“It happened, late one afternoon…†2 Samuel 11:2
…and the rest is history…
It was just a normal afternoon, until David crossed the line…
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It reminds me of an important principle about leaders. Real leaders don’t need to have a position to make a difference.
All eyes are always on the minister’s family and having been on both sides as a full-time vocational minister and years as someone with a full-time secular job, let me assure you that most pastors feel the pressure to live up to the standards of excellence people have set. I’m thankful I have a great marriage (most days) and two great boys. I’m fine with you making decisions about me based on my family life, but still, I, too, sense the pressure to live up to a set of unrealistic expectations at times.
I have posted many times before about my attempt at discovering my strengths and weaknesses. The older I get the more I realize things I’m not good at doing. This discovery process has led me to what I believe is the perfect combination on a team:
Jon Acuff is a funny, intelligent, mega-blogging leader at Stuff Christians Like. When I originally started this series I honestly overlooked some of the best leaders, because I falsely limited myself to people that have positions in a church or ministry. Jon has one of the most read blogs in the church world today. If Jon posts something, others instantly take notice. I call that influence, and if leadership is about influence, Jon is one of the best.
I have tried this quick assessment with marriages in distress several times and it opens the couple’s eyes and my eyes to the real state of their marriage. If you are dealing with a marriage following a major event, mistake or disappointment, considering trying this process. If the marriage in distress is yours, considering a self-assessment of your marriage.
The fact is, as I’ve said before, this world is messed up, broken and impossible to navigate on our own. God will allow more than we can handle ON OUR OWN, because His greatest desire is that we learn to rely on Him completely. The power we have within us to face life’s trauma is the power of Christ. I have had countless times in my life where life was desperate enough that I finally recognized that apart from the grace of God, I could not handle life. I think that’s what God is looking for from His children and that’s a more comforting message to share with people in distress.
This was honestly a challenging message for me to deliver to our church, but I’m afraid many times as believers we are tempted to look for the comfortable over the things that God would call us to do. Listen to last weeks message as I share some “encouragement” not to get too comfortable.
Every year I allow the staff at Grace Community Church to evaluate me. I realize this works for some and not for others, but for me it is a part of my plan to continually evaluate and improve my leadership skills and success. I set up a system, this year it was Survey Monkey that allows them to remain anonymous in answering the questions. Hopefully, this helps them be more honest with me than if they had to sign their name. I tell them in advance that I’m looking to improve myself, not to feel bad about myself, so I ask them to be respectful in their response, but truthful.
Ben spent several years leading a major department at Lifeway Christian Resources and now is a full-time generosity strategist for Generis. Ben’s wisdom certainly exceeds his years. He has taken a specific interest in helping churches fully fund their vision. If your church is in need of a consultant in that area, I recommend Ben to you.
Every 7-year period in a marriage appears to create additional stress to the marriage. I have never understood the phenomenon, and I have no statistical data to support my observations, but I have seen the results of it many times.
I wouldn’t advise my children to try this, but…so far…it’s worked for my grandparents. This week marks 70 years of marriage for them…and they only had 3 dates prior to being engaged. They knew each other a grand total of 10 days.
Dave Ferguson is a pastor and mentor to hundreds of church planters around the globe, including me. His church, Community Christian Church, is a pioneer in the multi-site movement. Dave is an influencer, a teacher, and a visionary leader. I appreciate his responsiveness to those of us that desire to learn from him. I also appreciate his commitment to his family. The one meeting I had schedule with him had to be canceled because of a school program for one of his children. I admired that in him. He has befriended my son in Chicago. I previously wrote about that HERE.
I realize when I give this advice some immediately rebel against it, because they fear their marriage will be pushed over the edge if they address the problem. When there is a severe crippling problem in a marriage that goes unchallenged, however, one spouse will suffer in more areas of life than just the marriage. (If this is your situation, you already know that to be true.) The problems in the marriage will affect the person’s health, job performance, and entire well-being, not to mention the marriage will never be all God intends it to be.
Have you ever had something in your life that you just couldn’t figure out? I know I have. There have been some situations, which have occurred to me personally or people I love that left me asking God “whyâ€. I have witnessed friends go through trials that seemed at the time beyond God’s repair (they really weren’t) and I kept wondering how God could possibly “work all things for goodâ€.