Ron Edmondson

I was talking with someone about the early days of church planting. We had not yet officially formed a core group and the initial staff members had not committed. As I told my story, I kept using words such as “our” and “we”. Towards the middle of the conversation the person stopped me and asked, “Who’s ‘we’?”

The fact is I was talking about me most of the time. But I confused him with my verbiage by using inclusive words. I wasn’t trying to be confusing. It’s simply a habit I’ve formed. Team vocabulary is a large part of encouraging healthy teams. 

I love team-building so much I’ve disciplined myself to talk in a collective sense whenever possible.

It always sounds so controlling, prideful, and even arrogant when I hear leaders use the words “I”, “me, and “my” when referring to their team, church or organization.

As an example, take a worship pastor. I have worked with some of the most talented people. When I refer to them, I don’t say “He/she is my worship leader”. They are “our worship leaders”. I don’t want to portray to them or others that they work for me. We work together as a team.

Semantics?

This may seem to just be semantics, but to me it’s an important issue for leaders to think through. If we truly want to create a team environment we must develop team vocabularies.

There are a few times when I use words referring to me, such as:

• When making a specific request – “I am asking you to do this for the team.”
• When offering a personal opinion, which may or may not be shared by others – “I think we should…”
• When asking a question or stirring discussion – “I wonder if we could…”
• When giving a specific, personal compliment – “I want to thank you for the incredible work you did.”

When I am speaking on behalf of the team or referring to team members, however, I try to use a collective term.

• There are so many opportunities. Let me check with our team.
• We have been stretched as a staff recently. We need to pace ourselves.
• I am so proud of our team.
• What do you think we should do? I really want to hear your opinion.
• Our family ministries have had an exceptional summer.

Those are inclusive phrases. My advice is to default to words like “we” and “our” whenever possible – even if people have to ask you who the “we” is to whom you are referring.

The more we talk like a team the more our culture will feel like a team.

Have you had a leader who abused team vocabulary?  

(You may want to read my post on a leader’s vocabulary.)

Clarity is often king in organizational dynamics. Words do matter and clear communication is vital for healthy teams. As hard as it is for me to zero in on one idea, I know a huge part of my job as a leader is to help people understand our vision and where we are going next to try to realize it (as well as I know at the time).

While this is true, there is a paradox when it comes to clarity and organizational health.

In fact, in my experience, some things are even “fuzzy” on a healthy team. Indistinct. Muddled. Unclear.

As strange as that seems, in an age of instant and constant information, it’s even healthy.

Let me give some examples.

Here are 3 areas of fuzziness on a healthy team:

The lines of authority are often blurred

In some of the healthiest organizations I know, the organizational chart doesn’t matter as much in accomplishing the vision. It’s often unclear who is in charge at any given time. One person doesn’t have all the ideas or all the answers. The one “in charge” is determined by what is being attempted at the time.

Everything isn’t clearly defined by a written policy

Obviously an organization needs structure. Rules have to be in place. But on healthy teams, rules are designed to enhance, not limit growth. Rules help keep people empowered not controlled – and likely there are fewer of them. Bureaucracy diminishes progress and frustrates the team.

Granted, when everything isn’t clearly spelled out it can produce a lot of gray areas, which can even be messy at times – even frustrating. But removing all the hard lines around people promotes their individual creativity and encourages innovation for the team.

Things are subject to change quickly

Things like vision and values are concrete. They aren’t changeable. In a healthy environment, however, methods of accomplishing the vision are held loosely. There is no sense of ownership or entitlement to a way of doing things. As needs change, the team can quickly adapt without a ton of push back and resistance.

I am not promoting fuzziness. I still aim for clarity – whenever possible. Even in times of uncertainty some things, such as the values which drive the team should be clear. But, just as life is often full of unknowns – even messy – so is life on a healthy team.

Figuring out how to navigate through these times and keep the team moving forward together is a part of good leadership.

I was coaching a pastor trying to help a church grow again. The previous pastor left town after a series of bad decisions – some decisions the church is still finding out about each new day.

I was happy to help the new pastor, but I also had concern was for the pastor who flamed out too early. He didn’t finish well, left the church in a state of disarray and is now struggling to recover. 

Sadly, I see it all the time. From the stories I heard, I suspect this former pastor suffered from the same temptation any pastor faces. His number one problem, in my opinion wasn’t a lack of leadership ability. He was leading in isolation.

He had no one on the inside of his life who knew him well enough to know when something was wrong and could confront him when necessary.

There are so many clear dangers in leading in isolation.

7 dangers of leading in isolation:

Moral failure

Without accountability in place, many of us will make bad decisions, because no one appears to be looking. We are more susceptible to temptation when we are alone.

Burnout

We are made for community. There is an energy we gain from sharing life with other people. When the leader feels he or she is alone the likelihood of burning out, emotional stress and even depression increases. (If this is you, read THIS POST.)

Leadership Vacuum

The leader is clueless to the real problems in the organization and is fooled into believing everything (including the leader) is wonderful.

Control Freak

The leader panics when others question him or her. He or she tries to control every decision. They don’t want to be found out for not knowing all the answers.

Limits other people 

The leader in isolation fails to communicate, invest, and release, which keeps other leaders from developing on the team. And, therefore, the organization isn’t prepared when the leader does exit. 

Limits leader

The isolated leader never reaches his or her full potential as a leader, because they shut out influences, which would actually help them grow.

Limits the organization

In the end, the leader who leads in isolation keeps the organization from being all it can be. The leader sets the bar of how far an organization can go. If the leader is in isolation the organization will stifle.

Leader, are you living in isolation? Be honest.

Do you need to get out of the protective shell you’ve made for yourself?

The health and future success of your organization depends on it.

(I realize many pastors of smaller or rural churches feel they have no option, but to lead in isolation. But as hard as it may seem, and as great as the risk may appear, you must find a few people to share your struggles. I also have a reasonably-priced coaching offer. Let me know if you want more details.)

I was talking with a pastor that I coach recently. He asked me how I handle difficult people in the church. I assured him I didn’t know what he was talking about. I’ve never encountered any difficult people in the church. 

After a good laugh, I explained my “system” for dealing with difficult people, which has developed over years of leading. I never put words around them, but those words came to me as we talked. 

Here is my three part “system” for dealing with difficult people:

Love them

I think we have to start here as people of faith. We are called to love everyone. Yes, it is hard sometimes to love extremely difficult people. Frankly, I’ve encountered people in the church I would even label “mean”. There have been a few I’ve sincerely questioned their salvation at times. I don’t know how a Christian could talk to people or about people as I’ve heard some do. 

But I l have learned, especially in church revitalization work, that if I can’t love people I can’t lead them. Jesus even told us to love our enemies, didn’t He? Years ago, the Lord gently nudged me that if I’m loving Him as I should be I will love everyone in our church. So, in every church where I’ve served, I’ve almost had a standard-bearer for this principle. I know if I’m not able to love them I need to check my heart.

And I should mention that part of loving people is listening to them – with the intent to understand. Many times difficult people just want to be heard.  

Level with them

I have learned not to sugarcoat or gloss over difficult people’s actions. I’m not loving people if I allow them to act in unbiblical ways. Instead, I need to be honest with them. I view it as a part of discipleship. I have had to say to people, “Did you know the tone of your emails are harsh?” I’ve had to challenge some people who verbally attack a staff member. 

One New Testament theme appears to me to be unity in the Body. I am not afraid, therefore to challenge gossipers, harsh attitudes or power mongering if it is going to be disruptive to the church and its mission.  

Lead them

Obviously, Jesus is the leader of the church, but He has empowered some of us to serve in leadership positions. I know part of my role is to move people in a direction towards our mission. As pastor, I can’t allow a few difficult people to hijack the church or it’s progress. I’m not at all claiming that is easy, and it takes years of learning to do this well, but the work of the church is too important not to lead the church forward in advancing the Gospel. 

That’s an overview of how I deal with difficult people. Hope it helps you. 

(By the way, I’m opening some new opportunities in my calendar to coach and consult. If you want to talk about how I might help you or your church/organization, please email me at Ron.edmondson@gmail.com)