Ron Edmondson

There is one shared habit pastors seem to face. I often hear it on Mondays – even after a great Sunday. I’ve been guilty of this one – many times. It was true in church planting and in church revitalization.

Many times, if left unchecked, it can led to the downfall of the pastor.

And it could be a common struggle for every leader, regardless of the context of where they are leading.

The struggle –

We let a few negative voices overshadow the many positives.

Things can be going great, but we can get one negative email and our whole day is ruined.

We can have one season of struggle and we forget all the seasons of triumph – or all the promises for future reward.

God may be providing blessings all around us, but we focus on the distraction of a few critics. Frankly, these are often people we may never please – regardless of what we do.

We can live in gloom and doom about a present situation, forgetting how God has blessed us and how He has promised to bless us in days to come.

Are you ever guilty of this? Am I alone here?

The Bible is not silent about this struggle. Elijah, who the book of James tells us was a person just like us – fell apart with one threat from Jezebel. This was just after he had had tremendous success in ministry. (1 Kings 19)

A common temptation to see the negative immediate reality, over the bigger picture positives of what God has done and is doing.

I don’t know, this is speculation on my part, but I think this struggle may have existed throughout the Bible with God’s people. For example, consider a favorite verses of encouragement.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord , plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Put it in the context in which it was delivered. Notice Vs. 10

“For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place.” (Emphasis mine.)

One of the greatest promises – a promise God is in control and has a masterful future planned. This promise fits well on coffee mugs and desk plaques. We love it so much.

But what do you think the people heard when this great promise was revealed by the prophet?

Again, it’s speculation on my part, but don’t you think the “seventy years” of captivity they were about to face would have jumped out more than the “future and hope“?

Yet, which do you think was God’s intent – to encourage or discourage?

Again, everything can be going according to plan. God can be working in your life, but one setback – one season of decline in church attendance – one negative email – can destroy your perception of reality.

It is a shared habit pastors struggle to overcome.

This is why, as pastors – as leaders – as people of God – we must keep our mind and focus on the bigger picture. Rather than the voices of the negative minority, we must focus on what God has called us to do, what He’s doing – and ultimately, what He‘s promised to do.

Paul said it like this, “For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!” (2 Corinthians 4:17)

Who is brave and honest enough to admit I’m not alone here in this struggle?

Many leaders in senior positions these days developed their leadership style in another generation. This has produced a plethora of what I call antiquated leaders.

What’s important in leadership has changed from when I entered the field of leadership.

Leadership principles and practices have had to change because organizations and people have changed.

These leaders create tension in many organizations, including many churches today.

Here are some characteristics: 

Antiquated leaders keep people in a box.

There was once a day that through policies and rules you could control an employee’s actions. This is not true anymore. People won’t stay in a boxes these days, as they demand opportunities for growth.

Antiquated leaders control information.

Information is king and these days people have information available to them in the palm of their hands — literally. Today’s leaders must be free with transparent and current information – including what’s stirring in the leader’s mind and where the organization is going.

Antiquated leaders enforce waiting periods on young leaders.

Keeping young leaders at a distance won’t work anymore. Young leaders today want an opportunity to explore, take risks, and make an impact in the world — NOW; therefore successful leaders learn to tap into this energy.

Antiquated leaders assume a paycheck is enough motivation.

Today’s workforce demands more. They want to know they are doing good work and what they are doing is making a difference and is valued on the team. By the way, the annual company picnic won’t cut it anymore either.

Antiquated leaders make the work environment strictly business. 

The younger generation mixes business with pleasure, so they want to enjoy their workplace environment. Today’s leaders must learn to celebrate along the way to success.

Now, take a minute and improve this post with your thoughts.

After a post about people-pleasing, I received the following email from someone who wants to stop being a people-pleasing pastor:

Ron,

Have just finished your blog post “7 Casualties of a People Pleaser in Leadership“. I recognize I am a People Pleaser Pastor. How do I turn the tide on this? How do I stop? I am seeing tension mounting on the team. There is frustration on our staff and it is even spilling over to our spouses, and my vision has hit a brick wall. I really want to move away from this but I am finding it most difficult.

Signed,

One frustrated pastor

Here was my reply:

Frustrated Pastor,

I’m impressed with your boldness and honesty.

Here are a few thoughts:

Get firm again on the vision you are trying to accomplish

What happens to some pastors is that people-pleasing becomes more important to them than accomplishing the vision God has given them. All of us tend to do what we value most. You must begin to value the vision more than making people happy.

So, make sure your vision is God-honoring and God-ordained. We want to make sure whatever we do honors Him and gives Him glory. But get firm on accomplishing this.

The vision is what should hold your feet to the fire. If it detracts or doesn’t line up with the vision God has given you, you shouldn’t be as enthusiastic about it – regardless of who brings it to you. This doesn’t mean you can’t say yes to other things, but you can clearly say, “I’m sorry, but right now I’m chasing this vision God has given me.”

Imagine the pressure Moses was under as a leader to please the people, but he had to hold to the vision God had given him and not cave to the pressure to always please people.

Get buy-in with a team towards reaching the vision

Make sure your team understands the vision and they are committed to seeing it to completion.

You need a group of supporters around you committed to the same defined vision you have. Make sure these people will protect your back should the need arise. We all need people who can and will back us up when we are tempted to give in and be a people pleaser.

Be honest with them about your propensity to cave to pressure from others. Give them permission to speak into your life when they see you pleasing people more than accomplishing the vision.

Assign responsibility and timelines

Give people real responsibility towards accomplishing the vision and measurable timelines toward achievement. This is hard for some pastors, but you have to release responsibility for decisions made. This keeps tasks moving forward and therefore makes it easier and more palatable when you have to say no to other things. It’s hard to argue with success.

I often find it’s sometimes easier for someone closer to a task to say no to something new. For example, if a group wants us to start a new mission somewhere outside our focus area, the people who currently lead our mission efforts are often better at protecting the vision we’ve already set in place than I am if they are moving forward with their current plans.

I also give people on my team the right to tell me when I’m veering from the vision we have before us. You will be less likely to cave to people pressure if you know things are on track to reach the vision.

Discipline yourself

The reality is, if you recognize people-pleasing is a weakness in your leadership, you’ll have to discipline yourself away from it. This will take time. When you sense you are making a decision purely to please others, give yourself a gut check. Tie a string around your finger if needed, but by practice and consistency, consistently recall the bigger picture.

When needed, call in the trusted advisors again. Renew the passion for the vision again. Slowly, over time, you’ll find yourself better able to say no when needed so you can better realize the vision God has placed on your heart.

I’m praying for you frustrated pastor/s. You can stop being a people-pleasing pastor. I’m believing you can do it. God has called you to it. He will equip you accordingly as you surrender to His will.

I have more thoughts like this in my book The Mythical Leader. And if you need a coach or consultant, keep me in mind.