Drew Snider is a pastor at Gospel Mission in Vancouver, B.C., Canada and a reader of my blog. Recently he asked me a question online about performing marriages for those who are living together and I thought it was worth asking here, so I asked him to guest post about it. Here’s Drew’s post:
The movie “The Last Song” has a powerful story to tell. Cheryl and I watched it at the theater when it first came out earlier this year, but I watched it again on the plane heading to Africa recently. I encourage you to watch it.
The applications for me are:
Throughout our time in Sierra Leone children swarmed us every where we went, especially Daniel and Jesse, the youngest two on the trip. Their energy and enthusiasm with the children was highly contagious. They became almost like celebrities in every village.
At one point Jessie admitted she felt guilty for attracting such a crowd. She didn’t want people to think she was seeking personal attention or fame. Daniel agreed with the sentiment.
That’s when the thought occurred to me…
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.†(Matthew 19:14)
I understand the heart of Jesus for children even more from my time in Sierra Leone.
The innocence of children was evident to us in every village we visited. The children would run to us, swarm around us, and follow our every move. They were sponges for the love of God. They were filled with joy and excitement…always seeming to anticipate more.
I was reminded that children are the future of this great country in Africa. The children of Sierra Leone…
After I have answered a question too many times to count, I figure more people have the same question. One of the issues I see frequently is what happens to men when their marriage caves in around them and their wife no longer wants the marriage to work. This could be because of simple neglect over the years or an affair, but she wants out and he wants her to stay. When this happens, a man often becomes a vulnerable puppy of a man and literally doesn’t’ know what to do next. I’ve sadly seen it so many times. It could be his fault or her fault, but at this point, the man just wants to save his marriage.
Here are a few suggestions I gave even recently to a man in this situation. Although this is a personal reply to one man, I believe it may have application for many men in this situation. One thing needs to be clear, however; you must own your decision. You know your situation far better than anyone else. These suggestions are based on experience with dozens of marriage situations:
Our children have become media junkies. The Kaiser Family Foundation recently released a study of children ages 8 to 18, which found, not surprisingly, that they are consuming a astounding amount of media entertainment each day. Children now consume an average of 7 ½ hours per day or 52 ½ hours per week of media saturation.
Daily media consumption of U.S. children:
Scripture is clear, however, that the role of a believer is to consider the interest of others, even before we consider our own. Paul writes, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.†(Philippians 2:3…emphasis mine)
The Grace Community Church middle school camp is this week. Thanks to our family pastor Michael Bayne for letting me grab this video from his blog. (I didn’t ask permission, so I hope he’s okay with this.) Our youngest son Nate is serving as student pastor this summer and so he’s at the camp and in the video. I wish they would let me go sometime. I’d show them a water party!
Picnics, vacations, camps, flip flops, outdoor baptisms, fireworks, grilling, swimming pools, homemade ice cream, baseball, fresh vegetables from the garden….
Therein lies what I believe to be one of the largest mistake men and women make in a marriage. Whenever I believe Cheryl completely identifies with me or I completely identify with her, we are bound to run into some conflict. I will never understand the depth of emotions Cheryl is capable of producing and she will never understand the shallowness of emotions I am capable of maintaining. Neither of us is right or wrong, we are just different, and as I look at the situations we have handled together in life, I see why God allowed the uniqueness in each of us. I must be careful never to place expectations on Cheryl for her to be like me and she must do the same with me.
