A journalism student at Ohio University, Ty Komjati, asked to interview me for a story he was writing on the state of marriage and divorce. I decided to share my answers here:
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I just saw this video. It’s been out for a year, so maybe you have. “Someone” thought I needed to view it. I guess if your spouse is a pastor you get this video. Frankly I don’t. Have you ever heard your pastor talk about his wife in the message?
I don’t usually read forwarded emails (Please pay attention to that comment), but I received this about four times in one day and one was from my wife, so, sensing she may ask me about it later, I read it. Glad I did. Here are some things most men want you to know ladies, but for whatever reason they were afraid to say them. I’m not!
I wish it never happened to anyone and I hope it never happens to you, but in my job I hear it almost every week. It’s a word we are afraid of, one that can destroy, and certainly one that will break a heart. Sometimes people admit to it, but mostly they deny it.
The word is AFFAIR.
Cheryl and I were driving in Nashville today and she said, “Speed limit strictly enforced” as she read a sign on the roadside. I knew what she meant. She thought I was driving too fast. I Twittered this comment and got several comments on Twitter and Facebook from other women regarding their own tactics to subtly tell their husband they are driving too fast.
I have spent so many hours with couples or individuals who come for counseling because they say they want to save or improve their marriage only to find that what they really wanted was some justification to get out of the marriage. They were hoping I would be so convinced their marriage was beyond repair that I would encourage them to end it. I would have to admit, I have encountered some seriously damaged marriages, but I have not found one beyond repair if both people are willing to try to make the marriage work.
I was reflecting this week about how much my family has shaped the person that I am today.
Cheryl and I both are in our second marriage. Most people in our church know this, because I have shared it numerous times. If you don’t, listen to the podcasts. I certainly don’t share it every week. If it bothers you for me to be a pastor there’s not much I can do about it now and I will not try to convince you. My story is my story. I can’t change it. The purpose of this post is not to defend my qualifications. I know what happened in my situation and where I stand with God. His grace has been more than sufficient in my life and I wouldn’t be who I am today apart from the experiences of my life, good and bad.
When I was growing up, if someone called you a name, you stuck your tongue out and said, “Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words will never hurt me.” It sounded good coming from an elementary kid, but in reality it wasn’t true. No, in fact, sometimes the pain of words stays with you longer than the bruises do from sticks and stones.
These posts received the largest numbers of hits and/or were the most found by search from 2008: (The titles should be clickable links.)