Tweet Today I’d love you to help write this post. I love dreams! I love encouraging those with big, especially God-given dreams, to take the risks required to see them…
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After I have answered a question too many times to count, I figure more people have the same question. One of the issues I see frequently is what happens to men when their marriage caves in around them and their wife no longer wants the marriage to work. This could be because of simple neglect over the years or an affair, but she wants out and he wants her to stay. When this happens, a man often becomes a vulnerable puppy of a man and literally doesn’t’ know what to do next. I’ve sadly seen it so many times. It could be his fault or her fault, but at this point, the man just wants to save his marriage.
Here are a few suggestions I gave even recently to a man in this situation. Although this is a personal reply to one man, I believe it may have application for many men in this situation. One thing needs to be clear, however; you must own your decision. You know your situation far better than anyone else. These suggestions are based on experience with dozens of marriage situations:
Don’t be a “can’t do it†person…Be a “can do it†person…
Some people are just naturally wired to kill other people’s dreams. Others live in a world of caution and fear, never wanting to take a risk…always opting for the safest side of the street. Sometimes that’s not in an attempt to be negative, but just the way a person is wired…
I realize there is a place for the questioner…There are people inclined to find holes in an idea in an attempt to strengthen it (I use this tactic sometimes.)
I am not advocating running blindly…I’m not impressed when someone comes to me with an idea with no intent to critically think about it, set goals and objectives, or develop a plan to accomplish the idea…
I like common sense….
BUT…
Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again. Ecclesiastes 11:1
I had an interesting situation occur last Sunday after one of our services. I was greeting people as they left the service as I do every week and a man waited to speak with me. He has been attending our church about six months, but wanted to share with me what brought him to Grace. Apparently years ago, probably close to 15 years now, I was in the insurance business and he was in real estate. He said that every time he achieved any recognition as a realtor he would get an encouraging note from me. He was so encouraged each time that he began keeping up with me in my community involvement and my online activity (I’ve been attempting ministry online since 1996). He said he decided if I ever pastored a church he would attend. He only recently learned I was at Grace.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
I look good online. I appear to be all the things I’m not. Here’s the truth you need to know:
I had been eagerly reading the account of Moses and the Israelites on their journey to the promised land. God had provided for them each step of the way. Each morning they had their manna (bread), and in the evening they were provided quail. Now, I know that manna is a crisp and sweet tasting flaky bread type food, because the Bible tells me so.
But, what is an omer?
I knew that this pastor frequented a local diner every morning, so I decided at least once a week that it would become my first stop each day. Over time, we formed a friendship, he began to trust me, and, most importantly, he began to share his broken heart with me. He became one of my dearest friends.
My pastor friend passed away about six months into our relationship. I still think of him and his absence with a heavy heart. I miss him. I will never forget the last months of our friendship and how he consistently told me that God had sent me to him. He was so appreciative of our time together.
We are in a new series at Grace Community Church called Outsiders, looking at some characters in the Bible who aren’t as well known as other characters, yet who made huge impacts to the Kingdom. Yesterday I spoke about the disciple Thomas. Though some know him as Doubting Thomas, I prefer the title I have also heard by which I’ve also heard him referred, Thomas the Believer. In this message, I address the bottom line that doubts are not the major problem for a believer, unbelief is. Ultimately we must go from doubts to a solid foundation of faith; that God is who He says He is and will do what is best in our life.
Scripture is clear, however, that the role of a believer is to consider the interest of others, even before we consider our own. Paul writes, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.†(Philippians 2:3…emphasis mine)
It’s hard to lead others when you are getting your butt kicked. (Excuse the word, but I think it is needed here if that is how you are feeling.) When your world is crashing in around you, you’ll be less prepared to lead well.