Skip to main content

7 Things You May Not Know but You Need to Know about Your Wife

By April 10, 2015June 8th, 2016Marriage

Guys, can I be honest with you? Marriage can be hard.

Did you know that already?

Sometimes you do the wrong thing before you even knew you did the wrong thing. You try to figure out the one you love the most but the more you try the more confused you get. I get it. I understand.

Men and women are different. (You can tweet that.)

We don’t always think and respond to life the same way.

And, likely there are some things about your wife you just didn’t know.

Over the years, through counseling training and actual counseling — and learning from my wife — I’ve observed some things. And, I’ve realized some men simply don’t know them — or don’t realize how important they are to their wife.

Here are 7 things you may not know but you need to know about your wife:

You step on her feelings more than you know.

You just do. And, you don’t even mean to — or know that you are most of the time. She may think you do, but you don’t. You’re just not as aware of how she’s wired emotionally. And, most of the time she overlooks it. She knows it wasn’t intentional. But, it hurts. And, the more you do it the more it hurts. So be careful with your words.

And, that leads to the next one.

Your words are heavier than you think they are.

You need to know that. When she asks you how she looks, for example — yes it is a quandary on how to respond and there are plenty of jokes around about that dilemma — but your response matters. Probably more than any other response of her day. It’s a small question to you but big question for her. And, you communicate things to her continually through how you say what you say and the body language you combine with your words. And, they weigh a ton to her. A ton.

She wants you to take the lead.

At least occasionally. I know all the women’s rights issues cloud this for you. It can be confusing, but there’s likely something in your wife just waiting for you to make a decision. She values your input and she wants you to lead in the home as well as she sees that you can lead elsewhere. And, speaking on behalf of men, I know you don’t always want to be the leader. She’s better at making many of the decisions than you are. Still, she’s waiting — hoping, that you’ll step up where you need to lead.

She doesn’t want to be like her mother.

Or to be compared to her mother. And, these type jokes aren’t funny. Ever. Trust me. And, in fact, she doesn’t want to be like any other woman either. She wants to be seen for the unique wonder she is — which by the way was God-designed.

She is likely with you even when she’s not.

At least in her mind. Our wives are very relational. So if she asks about your calendar– now you know. She’s not trying to be difficult or suspicious. She’s trying to be with the one she loves.

It’s okay just to hold her hand.

And, also, to occasionally be romantic. You may have established a long time ago that you’re not the romantic type. She may realize she married funny — or serious — or dedicated — more than romantic. But, every woman needs a little romance occasionally. It makes her feel special — especially when it comes from you.

The way her world looks is often how her heart feels.

All her world. The house, for example, you think it doesn’t matter, but to her it reflects her — not you. She’s also conscious of what others think of her appearance. She carries this burden heavier than she wants to sometimes. Don’t diminish this to her. Understand it.

In a THIS POST, I share the companion post for wives to understand.

Related Posts

Ron Edmondson

Author Ron Edmondson

More posts by Ron Edmondson

Join the discussion 21 Comments

  • Thabiso Nage says:

    This is quite interesting yet eye opening and educating.thank you for sharing such wonderful thoughts

  • JIMMY says:

    I am almost 21 years in a relatiomship and stil learning to understand her

  • Maggie says:

    You forgot one. When a man constantly looks at porn it makes his wife feel ugly. And yes he and I have talked about it and yes he knows how it makes me feel. I already have to struggle with medical issues that make it impossible for me to lose weight. He knows this and he does it anyway. I read the men can’t help it when they look. Yes they can and that’s a get out of jail and I can act wrong card. It’s extremely disrespectful. Honestly it why you men can’t get the respect from your wife you crave.

    • Thabiso Nage says:

      Dear Maggie.
      I’m so sorry to hear about your experience.
      The truth is,your man has issues and needs to reliaze it….it’s a character,attitude-thinking kinda issue,it has nothing to do with your looks,your weight or shape is not the reason he looks for pleasure from some women on the video,it’s his personal issues and lack,lack of understanding who he really is…it’s identity crisis…he has his own private battles,maybe he’s not aware….. Don’t let his own issues affect how you see yourself,values,and carries yourself….you’re beautiful,uniquely attractive as a woman made by God” you are fear fully and wonderfully made”….

    • Velma Sheila Richardson says:

      ….dear Sister, some men were looking at porn BEFORE they ever met you, dated your or were married to you…..DO NOT take it personally….some inherited the behavior from their dads even when they were you children (Not teens nor tweens)…..IT rarely has anything to do with YOU…..BEAUTY QUEENS, models, etc EXPERIENCE porn-lovers and cheaters, too….. It often is NOT ABOUT YOU…..IT is a very filthy ADDICTITION….Be SAVED, PRAY and be an EXAMPLE of the BELIEVER for your hubby…..THIS addiction is as bad as CRACK, etc. The GOOD NEWS, too, is that your hubby hasn’t WALKED….divorced…HE is still with you…HE would more than likely BE THIS WAY WITH ANYONE: Ms. Universe, Ms. America, Beyonce, Rhianna, Marilyn Monroe, Britanny Spears, Fergie, ….Be Encouraged ladies! NOT your fault!!! LOVE, God!

  • Alex says:

    Great post Ron. I particularly like #4 (even though you didn't number them) but so true, wives (including mine) don't like to be compared to anyone including their mothers. They want to know that their husband is content, pleased and proud of the real woman they love. Anything short of that creates insecurities in their hearts and in the relationship. Oh yes, and holding her hand is a must. After 26 years of marriage we still hold hands, at the store or at home. Thanks for the post Ron. Great work.

  • Deborah says:

    This is a great list and definitely spoke to me. I would add one thing. Sometimes just listening is the best thing you can “say.” My husband is a problem solver and he has great solutions, but sometimes when my heart is heavy, I just need him to hold me/hold my hand, and listen. Trying to make me feel better instead of listening can end up being more hurtful. But that goes back to your first point.

    • ronedmondson says:

      Yes. Great add.Thanks!Ron Edmondson

    • recklessandrambling says:

      I heartily agree. I know that my husband is well-intended in his advice and "solving", but it's hard to keep that in the forefront of my mind when my heart is hurting and speaks much more loudly.

  • Amanda says:

    As the not standard woman, these still hold true to some extent. I still have feelings, and emotions; and understand how society perceives my appearance and my house as a reflection of my quality as a human; and how unromantic/PDA we both are, but love it when we hold hands; and want him to decide, just once, what's for dinner; and that when my house is a mess, it's usually because i'm in a low place emotionally; and that while I love my mother and there are many things about her I want to be just as good as as she is, I'm still me, not her. This is a wonderful list. I also know that we are beautifully and wonderfully made, differently, and that unless I communicate these needs explicitly, he is most likely going to miss the subtle hints. As much as it's his responsibility to pay attention, it's my responsibility to communicate in a way he understands!

    Anyway, this really gave me a little perspective into myself. Thanks!

  • Bobby Wood says:

    This is a great list. I think we, as men, often get so busy in the ministry mindset that it's hard to turn off that mode when it comes to our wives. I've had to rethink and relearn that concept. My wife and I have only been married for seven years, but to love her the way that Jesus loves the church means that I have to sacrifice my own interests and give her what she needs. Every pastor should read this often!

  • jimpemberton says:

    This is a proverbial list and well worth our time considering. There may be exceptions since women differ. However, these things are going to hold true most often. I would say that these are a good starting place.

    As for understanding my wife, I look to 1 Pet 3:7. I hear men say that they don't understand women as though to excuse themselves from understanding their wives. When I hear that, my first comment tends to be that you don't have to understand women; you only need to understand one woman. Look at this verse and know that not only does it indicate that it is possible to understand your wife, but that it is imperative. The reason is because your prayers will be hindered. If we value our relationship with God, we need to understand the wife we have in his name.

    First, it's easier to understand your wife than it is to understand God. God is not simpler than his creation and he has revealed enough about himself for us to understand him well enough.

    Second, we spend time learning all the nuances of whatever sport we are into, the mechanics of our prized automobiles, the complexities of our networked computing devices and the softwares we run on them, the musical instruments we strive to master, the particulars of the television or movie franchises we enjoy, the fickleness of the stock market and political activities, or the arena of whatever business occupies our time in paying the bills and supporting these other activities. If we can excel in these kinds of areas, we can study our own wives who we have taken to be partners in life and learn their intricacies.

    Men, do it!