The 5th Type of Mentor

I’m updating a post. Yesterday I posted 4 types of mentors. Read it HERE (updated of course). I can’t believe I missed one…or that no one else caught my obvious error.

I grew up without a close relationship with my father. I missed the investment a father makes in the life of his son. As a result, I’ve tried my best to invest in my sons, but I guess because it wasn’t a great part of my story I missed it.

There is another kind of mentor.

The 5th type of mentor is:

Relational – It’s probably the best kind. It’s the way I am with my two boys. They can call me anytime for advice. They can get through my crazy schedule when no one else (except Cheryl) can. They hold my heart and my desire for their personal success in their hand. I mentored them because they are part of me. A relational mentor relationship happens with someone to whom you are related. It’s the most Biblical kind of mentoring. I hope it’s been a part of your life.

Isn’t that the best kind of mentor?

Do you have a relational mentor in your life? Share that with me here. I promise I’ll be encouraged!

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chriscp5 30p · 717 weeks ago

I think there is a natural tendency for me to be a mentor to my daughter. But I also think my wife and I mentor each other. A lot of times it gets credited to simply playing off each other's strengths and weaknesses and why we make a good pair, but I think it fits into the sense of relational mentoring as long as you are allowing yourself to learn from it and grow. We do ministry together, but more importantly, we do life together and we are constantly learning from each other everyday. Maybe me learning from her a little more than she from me, but don't tell her I said that! :-)

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@ltbaxter · 717 weeks ago

Big disagreement with this post; that's ok, right :)

Relational IS invariably the best kind of mentor. But it's an aspect of mentoring that is very powerful no matter what type of mentoring is going on. Intentional mentoring borne of a strong relationship is (typically) much more effective, and enjoyable. For a moment mentoring, and casual mentoring likewise are much more effective when there is a relationship. To say it's a fifth kind suggests the others are not relational (and that the relational mentor is not intentional.) For more on types of mentors, I recommend the book someone suggested in your other post - Connecting, by Clinton.

I love this quote shared by Bill Search in Simple Small Groups: "your relational bridge must be strong enough to the support the weight of the message you give". It was mentioned in the context of the question "Have you ever received a challenging word from someone you barely knew?"

Someone you barely know can come to you for brief or causal mentoring at any time. That will come from the message you share and the life you model. But from my perspective, for the mentoring opportunities where you have a choice and can take action, the three key aspects of a strong mentoring relationship are intentional (you're on the look out to invest), relational (informal, authentic), and transformational (focus is on change, growth, not just talk).

Good series :) Thanks for the discussion.

6 replies · active 717 weeks ago

ronedmondson 127p · 717 weeks ago

No problem. I'm fine with the disagreement. Just the "big" part that's hard for me. :)

But, seriously, we'd probably agree more than we would disagree. I certainly wouldn't imply the others weren't relational...there could be no mentoring without a relationship. What I'm separating is the idea of being related to the person being mentored....sharing the same blood...being kin to one another....adopting them into your family...etc.

I'm separating the thought, because I don't think most of us think in terms of mentoring our children. The term mentoring is being used a lot these days, and I'm hoping to bring more attention to it, but I don't won't us to forget the ones living in our homes. (Or not living in our homes...but they used to...as in my case now.)

Thanks! Love the discussion.

Wow, I totally missed the phrase "someone to whom you are related." Lol, now I feel like the church lady from SNL... 'Nevermind.' :) Generational/family mentoring is very important, and ofter overlooked - great point.

Ha, but I love Church Lady!

And, I agree with Bill Search's comment, but I would have to say yes to the question. I have received a challenging word from someone I barely knew....many times...at conferences, in books, and a few times even through chance encounters at a meeting with someone I never saw again.

That's a sign of maturity, and trust in the motives of the person giving the challenge. Also, there's a difference between a speaker with a "challenging" thought, vs someone who takes it upon himself to mentor you coming out and saying "Your arrogance is preventing you from building into the lives of your followers." When it gets personal like that, having a relationship in place to earn the right to say that is important.

I think "learners" have a higher tolerance for hearing bad things, as they continually try to understand themselves better and to improve. Thanks again for the posts.

That's very true about learners....very true.

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@ltbaxter says:

July 12, 2011 at 7:41 am

Big disagreement with this post; that's ok, right

Relational IS invariably the best kind of mentor. But it's an aspect of mentoring that is very powerful no matter what type of mentoring is going on. Intentional mentoring borne of a strong relationship is (typically) much more effective, and enjoyable. For a moment mentoring, and casual mentoring likewise are much more effective when there is a relationship. To say it's a fifth kind suggests the others are not relational (and that the relational mentor is not intentional.) For more on types of mentors, I recommend the book someone suggested in your other post – Connecting, by Clinton.

I love this quote shared by Bill Search in Simple Small Groups: "your relational bridge must be strong enough to the support the weight of the message you give". It was mentioned in the context of the question "Have you ever received a challenging word from someone you barely knew?"

Someone you barely know can come to you for brief or causal mentoring at any time. That will come from the message you share and the life you model. But from my perspective, for the mentoring opportunities where you have a choice and can take action, the three key aspects of a strong mentoring relationship are intentional (you're on the look out to invest), relational (informal, authentic), and transformational (focus is on change, growth, not just talk).

Good series Thanks for the discussion.
- ronedmondson says:
  
  July 12, 2011 at 7:50 am
  
  No problem. I'm fine with the disagreement. Just the "big" part that's hard for me.
  
  But, seriously, we'd probably agree more than we would disagree. I certainly wouldn't imply the others weren't relational…there could be no mentoring without a relationship. What I'm separating is the idea of being related to the person being mentored….sharing the same blood…being kin to one another….adopting them into your family…etc.
  
  I'm separating the thought, because I don't think most of us think in terms of mentoring our children. The term mentoring is being used a lot these days, and I'm hoping to bring more attention to it, but I don't won't us to forget the ones living in our homes. (Or not living in our homes…but they used to…as in my case now.)
  
  Thanks! Love the discussion.
  - @ltbaxter says:
    
    July 12, 2011 at 11:43 am
    
    Wow, I totally missed the phrase "someone to whom you are related." Lol, now I feel like the church lady from SNL… 'Nevermind.' Generational/family mentoring is very important, and ofter overlooked – great point.
    - ronedmondson says:
      
      July 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm
      
      Ha, but I love Church Lady!
- ronedmondson says:
  
  July 12, 2011 at 7:52 am
  
  And, I agree with Bill Search's comment, but I would have to say yes to the question. I have received a challenging word from someone I barely knew….many times…at conferences, in books, and a few times even through chance encounters at a meeting with someone I never saw again.
  - @ltbaxter says:
    
    July 12, 2011 at 11:46 am
    
    That's a sign of maturity, and trust in the motives of the person giving the challenge. Also, there's a difference between a speaker with a "challenging" thought, vs someone who takes it upon himself to mentor you coming out and saying "Your arrogance is preventing you from building into the lives of your followers." When it gets personal like that, having a relationship in place to earn the right to say that is important.
    
    I think "learners" have a higher tolerance for hearing bad things, as they continually try to understand themselves better and to improve. Thanks again for the posts.
    - ronedmondson says:
      
      July 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm
      
      That's very true about learners….very true.
Chris says:

July 12, 2011 at 6:42 am

I think there is a natural tendency for me to be a mentor to my daughter. But I also think my wife and I mentor each other. A lot of times it gets credited to simply playing off each other's strengths and weaknesses and why we make a good pair, but I think it fits into the sense of relational mentoring as long as you are allowing yourself to learn from it and grow. We do ministry together, but more importantly, we do life together and we are constantly learning from each other everyday. Maybe me learning from her a little more than she from me, but don't tell her I said that!
- ronedmondson says:
  
  July 12, 2011 at 7:45 am
  
  That's a good thought. I think my wife and I mentor each other as well….and it would be the same way in our relationship. My wife is smarter than me.