A Word to the Pastor’s Wife…From My Wife


A Word to the Pastor’s Wife…From My Wife:

I love being a pastor’s wife. It truly is whom God has called me to be in this season of life. Everyday is not easy, but when I’m serving as God intended for me to serve, I’m never more fulfilled in life.

That’s why I decided to share this advice to pastor’s wives. (I understand my husband has lots of pastors who read his blog. I hope they will share this with their spouse.)

Here is my advice:

Don’t try to be something you are not…and…Don’t be afraid to be yourself

So often we have a picture in our head of what a pastor’s wife is “suppose” to look like. I did before I was one. Of course, she plays the piano and/or sings in the choir…she bakes the most wonderful desserts…and she is active in every ministry the church and community have to offer…she can quote scripture in every sentence…her marriage is always perfect…and…oh yeah…she is the mother of 2.5 PERFECT children. And the sad thing is…often we (as pastor’s wives) beat ourselves up if we don’t meet all or at least several of these (self-imposed) expectations.

I’m not sure if it is because Ron and I surrendered to the full time vocational ministry later in life, but I soon realized if these were the expectations then I was in big trouble. People closest to me have never suggested I join the choir…I played a bassoon in high school which very few churches have a use for these days…I don’t cook (blessed to be married to a wonderful husband who does!)…I have typically worked full time outside the home…and I still have to use the table of contents in the Bible occasionally (That’s the result of coming to Christ as an adult. Praise God for children’s church.) Yet, God still called “me” to be a pastor’s wife! (And, I’m still wondering why some days.) BUT, I do have to say I do have 2 pretty amazing sons! Nearly perfect as they appear to me. (Can I count my amazing Yorkiepoo puppy as the .5??)

At first, when we were church planters, I wore many hats as a greeter, preschool teacher, baby rocker and clean up crew…just to name a few. Thankfully as the church grew, I was able to invest my time in the areas I was most passionate about…such as greeting and welcoming…and attending services to support my husband. (He says he preaches better when I’m in the room 🙂 ) No matter the church we serve in, my heart’s desire is to interact with as many people as possible to help all feel welcome. And I love hugs…both giving and receiving! Oh yeah…and I love to hear my man preach…even as many as 3 times on a Sunday!

God gives different gifts to different people and I needed to remind myself of God’s truth…that I need to be the person God called “me” to be! It is not always easy saying no to all the church expects me to be, but I have learned that by saying “yes” to what God is calling me to do and…not being afraid to say “no” to other things…allows me the freedom to follow my passions. It also allows God to use others to fill roles they should be doing…that they do better than me. Finally, it allows me to be the best supporter I can be for my husband. (Again, I don’t understand it, but he claims he’s a better pastor because of me. BTW, he asked me to put this line in here.)

Remember…don’t try to be someone you’re not…be the person God has called you to be!!

God’s Word says HIS yoke is easy…don’t let the world convince you otherwise!

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15 thoughts on “A Word to the Pastor’s Wife…From My Wife

  1. I enjoyed this post. Now, I have a question: where do pastor's wives turn for help when they have issues with their pastor husbands? I just married a pastor in August and my goodness, I need help. Just tonight he got upset with me and told me to "go to hell". I am desperate for someone to talk to and possibly get advice from but I have nowhere to turn. I wish there were blogs and forums on the internet that discussed and supported wives of pastors who need help dealing with their issues in the marriage. Guess that's what counseling is for, right? But still…it would be nice to hear from other pastor's wives to know that I am not alone. I am really thinking my husband should have been mentored longer under the pastor he was under. Any encouragement or advice you can offer would be appreciated. Thank you

  2. Hi there…
    I just came across this post… and thank you!

    I am a pastor’s wife for about 6 years now… 4 active. We are planting a church in Oregon and have been under sooooo much attack. Just wondering if you could keep us in your prayers. We are just feeling so defeated right now and it’s just one thing after another. My husband is Dave and I am Debi.
    Thanks so much!!

  3. Thank you Cheryl, for this wonderful blog post. My wife (whose name is spelled "Sheryl" by the way) never reads blogs. However this post spoke to me than it could have spoken to my wife. Sometimes as a pastor and husband I expect too much from my wife. Much more than she is actually capable of doing. I tend to forget that she is "my wife" not just "Pastors' wife". Sadly this is very common among the pastors who were born and raised in the 3rd world.