One key that helps keep any relationship strong…especially the marriage relationship…is what I call…
Keeping Short Accounts
The premise is simple. If something is bothering you now, even if it is a small matter, it will only bother you more in days to come if you don’t deal with it. You basically have two choices. You can choose to let it go and live with it (Which most of us are not very good at doing) or you can address the area of concern. One of the two must be chosen or the issue will eventually become a major problem.
I realize the first option seems to be the easier option many times. It avoids conflict. It keeps things from being messy. It’s a passive approach that works for a time.
But, here is a truth you cannot escape: Over time, small problems become big problems and big problems destroy relationships.
Learning how to handle conflict is critical to any relationship…especially a healthy marriage, so begin to deal with the issues of concern in the relationships you care most about protecting before they begin to negatively alter the strength of the relationship.
What is bothering you about a relationship in your life?
If the problem never goes away, can you live with it and the relationship still be healthy? If not, keep a short account…address with the problem…get outside help if needed…and get on to making the relationship better.
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Good and informative article thanks for sharing
Completely agree. It's so easy to let something seemingly small snow-ball into a major issue. Then after an argument wonder why you were arguing in the first place. Great article.
Thanks.
Very welcome. Keep up the great work 🙂
We must know how to talk with our partner , pick the right words and stay away as much as possible from anger because it is difficult to solve problems in anger moments .In this way, we can talk about all problems and solve it and live happily for the rest of life.
Thanks!
A relationship is one of checks and balances. They are akin to bank DEPOSITS AND WITHDRAWALS. I have always made it a practice to give mostly DEPOSITS. Two DEPOSITS (encouragement, help, loving affirmations, etc.) are needed to "balance" one WITHDRAWAL (negative statement, anger toward your partner, etc.) and I try to keep the withdrawals at a minimum or I soon run out of "money." The relationship suffers with not enuf DEPOSITS and too many WITHDRAWALS. It's simple math!
Thanks! Good thoughts
Could I add one thing that has helped me tremendously?
When something “bothers” me, the first response I try to take is a step back to look at the situation as objectively as possible. I have found that – many times – the problem doesn’t lie with them, but with me. So I try to ask myself hard questions: Why does this bother me? Is there really a problem which needs to be addressed? Is there something I can fix first? This step has helped me let go of a lot of things, because I realize it’s not as big a deal as I initially thought.
Sometimes I do need to address something (although sometimes it is to admit my own weakness and the way I need the other’s help in certain moments), and in those cases my next step is to take time to figure out how to say it kindly and in a non-accusatory way. Only then will I address something with someone else. Sometimes this process takes days; a bigger issue may take weeks.
This may not be necessary for everyone, but it is for me. I want to ensure I inflict as little harm as possible on the other person, and this process had done wonders in that arena.
Love this. Tremendous advice.
Twitter: kmac4him
says:
Such wisdom in keeping short accounts! Thank you! Heeded!
What bothers me so much about a lot of relationships in my life is that they are sloppy! We are way to slipshod in our relationships in this generation! We say what we want to say and when we want to say it. No self control! I am talking about me mostly! I am done with being emotionally sloppy and want to change. 2014 I hope this marks the year where I better to learn to hold my reactions by God’s self control, where I have more victory and less defeat in this, where I learn to wait on my viewpoint, my reaction, pause and invite God in, and be quiet until the Holy Spirit releases His Responses in me and through me by way of His Kingdom perspective, wisdom, discernment and love. I hope you do a lot more teaching on relationships this year, we all need it, we need to change! I need to change!
Amen. Thank you.