Many leaders avoid conflict at any cost…
It seems this is true especially of pastors…
Yet conflict is often necessary for healthy relationships…
When needed conflict is avoided, people grow bitter, relationship development stalls, and teams suffer…
Here’s one thing I’ve learned about conflict…
Perhaps this well motivate you to confront what you need to confront…
Conflict, when handle correctly, often turns out better than expected…
It does…
Many times your worst fear doesn’t come true…
It doesn’t turn out to be a fight…
The conflict produces positive results…
People and teams get better…
You become a better leader…
Don’t be afraid to try a little…
A little healthy conflict may be just what you need to protect you, others, and the team…
Be honest: Do you typically run from conflict, or do you embrace conflict if needed?
Is there some conflict you’ve been avoiding that you know is needed for the health of your team?
You may want to read:
10 Tips for Handling ConflictHow Is Your Organization Handling Conflict?
One of my favorite examples of this was when we were talking about spiritual gifts. Our group was being hosted by one of our college kid's mom. When she got around she suggested the gift of celibacy. One of our other members got upset, thinking she was directing this at him (he's in his late 20s and single, not by choice). He reluctantly confronted her about this offensive statement toward him. She immediately let him know that she wasn't directing the statement at him, but rather toward one of our other members who is currently dating her daughter! This has become a great story for our group to take Mt 18:15 to heart. It's there for a reason, after all.
Good example. Thanks for sharing.
Even though I wish to solve the conflicts I encounter, at certain times, I run from them. It is true that conflict management is part and parcel of my profession of internal auditing. As internal auditors, we confront with conflicts from the management and other stakeholders in the organization. Healthy conflicts are much needed for robust functioning of the organization. But, 'embracing' conflict is a tough proposition for me. I never love to anticipate conflict .
That's true. You are in an area where conflict happens. I've been on the other side 🙂
"Caring Enough to Confront" by David Augsburger is a great book on this topic. While I don't like conflict any more than another person it is necessary to deal with.
Thanks for the recommendation.
Yes! It's a bummer that conflict gets such a bad rap, as healthy conflict around ideas is not only OK, but necessary if a team or organization wants to be highly successful. I'm not at all advocating any sort of mean-spirited arguing; in fact, that's counterproductive. But a team that can learn to engage in healthy ideological conflict will be able to move forward much more quickly and effectively than one that prefers to dance around tough topics for fear of temporary interpersonal discomfort. Lencioni's The Five Dysfunctions of a Team is a must-read in this regard. At least for an organizational leadership and culture nerd like me.
Thanks Matt. I love that book.
I usually engage the conflict yet, sometimes, I know it will not move a resolution forward productively. To resolve a specific conflict, there must be mutual trust so that, after a resolution is reached, the conflict does not continue to recur. It is better to engage, still, than to ignore. Thanks!
You are right. Takes two sides to resolve.
Conflict is inevitable because we are different. Difference is what causes growth. What we need to avoid is arguments. With arguments we have an entrenched position where we 'attack' the opposition. If we argue we are stuck and if we face confrontation we are growing.
Thanks for your encouragement – we need it.
Merril – Life skill Counsel
I agree. Thanks for your encouragement too!
Twitter: jonathanpearson
says:
I despise conflict. It's just not how I like things. I do know, however, that it is often required of me. Something I've learned is that part of being a good leader often means handling conflict and handling it well. Great post, Ron!
Thanks Jonathan. I actually don't mind conflict, if I know it's going towards a "good cause"…:)