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Men and Women Need Accountability in Marriage

By May 3, 2010January 27th, 2014Christians, Culture, Encouragement, Family, Marriage

I am tired of watching marriages fall apart.  One thing that breaks my heart is when two wonderful people allow temptation to overtake them and fall into sin, such as adultery or pornography.  I wish I could say it was rare, but it happens every day.   I have seen and believe that marriages can be fully restored from these times and even become model marriages after them, but the goal should be to keep either spouse from reaching this point.

While this is not a fool proof answer, one of the leading struggles I know of for men and women is when there is no one is involved or interested enough in their private affairs to challenge them as he or she starts to stray.  Most affairs, for example, don’t start in one day. They occur over time as a person’s guard is let down and they ease into the temptations that exist for all of us.

Here’s the bottom line of this post:

Men need to be accountable to a few other men and women need to be accountable to a few other women. They need someone with the freedom to speak truth into his or her life and challenge them in love when there are concerns.  As much as my wife tries and desires to understand me, she’ll never fully understand the heart and mind of a man; just as I will never fully understand her heart and mind.  This is true of every marriage.  (It’s also why more women responded negatively to THIS POST about how I protect my marriage.)

I have often heard it theorized that King David may have never given into the temptation with Bathsheba if he had still had the close relationship with Jonathan in his life.  I don’t know if that’s true, but it certainly would not have hurt.

Men and women that don’t see this as an issue are only fooling themselves.  Quit playing games with your marriage and pretending you are stronger than you are.  “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Do you have accountability built into your life?  If not, do you dismiss the need, are you afraid to invite it, or have you not found the person to hold you accountable?

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Ron Edmondson

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Join the discussion 13 Comments

  • Kimberly says:

    Thank you for this much need post!! Praying a hedge of protection around all marriages..Bless you!

  • Vincent says:

    Thank you so much for your marriage tips. I have benefited a lot since i started reading them,my marriage is taking a new path in the Lord. I believe people get blessed just like me. God bless you

  • Laurinda says:

    I'm single but live a completely accountable life. I have an 'inner circle' of friends/mentors that I hold every aspect of my life accountable too. I'm better when I'm accountable. I accomplish more. I'm in a position of authority and travel with a team of married men occasionally. I don't have meetings in my hotel room and will only dine one on one in very public places. But over all, when integrity becomes a habit you don't have to make conscious efforts to avoid compromising situations.

    Great post!

  • ronedmondson says:

    Thanks James!

  • jalc6927 says:

    Great Post. Not only must we be accountable to others, we need to be accountable to ourselves. Watching a marriage disintegrate is tough. My first wife and I were not yoked together and this ultimately lead to our divorce. Grace be to God, I have remarried and we have the same values and ideals. We work on our mutual accountability.

    Jon, we'll be praying for you. God Bless!

  • ronedmondson says:

    Thanks Jon for sharing your story. As hard as it is and has been for you, it may help others avoid such pain.

  • Jon says:

    You know, I hope so. In fact, I keep praying that if we get our marriage fixed, that God use us within our local church to be available as a part of pre-marital counseling or as a help to others whose marriages might be in trouble.

  • Jon says:

    This is a big Amen! My marriage has deteriorated to the place it has because I failed to have faith and give God everything and turn to Him for comfort and aid so I let frustrations and worldly pressures push me down a wrong path. Nothing as dramatic as an affair or drugs or alcohol, but just letting the winds of the world order the journey of my life instead of Him. Bottom line is that those frustrations took themselves out on my wife. Now, if I had been in an accountability relationship with other men or even one other man, I would have had someone who most likely would have understood my position and frustrations and could have guided me correctly, held me accountable, and perhaps have helped me avoid the situation I am in now.

    My wife tried, but as you say, as good a woman as she is, she just doesn't understand my deepest parts.

    We've gone to counseling and I am in a group with other men and the interactions that we have had and the accountability factor that I have now in my life have gotten me on track and my relationship with God is so much richer and deeper than it's ever been. I have full faith that I will never again allow the winds of the world to order my path.

    The problem that now keeps us in this spot, is my wife and her attitude towards me. In one sense, she is right in that I have hurt her deeply, but she fails to see the new man that I have become. I look at her and see a copy of me several years ago. She thinks that she is doing the right things, but she isn't, totally. And she has rejected any attempts at conversation with church leadership or other women friends; it's between her and God. My prayer everyday is that He bring someone into her life who can help her get back on track so that we can start to rebuild and repair our marriage.