Imagine these two scenarios…
- One married couple is comprised of two emotionally healthy people…the marriage experiences problems, they seek help, they get better and the marriage restored and made better than ever.
- One married couple is comprised of one or two emotionally unhealthy people…the marriage experiences problems, the couple and/or one spouse seeks help, nothing changes, and the marriage remains in trouble.
I wish I could say these two scenarios were unusual, but they are common for what I see on a regular basis. I have seen so many marriages struggle because one or both spouses is dealing with unresolved emotional baggage he or she brings into the marriage.
Here’s the point: All marriages have trouble at times, but building a healthy marriage ultimately takes two healthy people. If your marriage is in trouble, consider the emotional health of each spouse. People who are individually dealing with issues such as past hurts, broken relationships, damaged emotions, abuse, or personal loss, will have a harder time building a strong relationship until their own emotions heal.
If that’s your situation; if your emotional health has been severely damaged, get the help you need before you expect to heal your marriage. Working on your own emotional health may greatly improve your marriage!
Are you married to someone emotionally unhealthy? How has it impacted your marriage?
. I would be a terminal case that has felt the healing hand of God redeem what seemed hopeless. He has used many people both professionals and just good girl friends willing to listen, tell me the truth, pray pray pray for me, and love me when I haven't loved my self or felt worth anyone's love. This had nothing to do with my husband of 20+ years! I wanted to blame most of it on his job as a soldier, but I have been living the past two years as a happy wife still married to the military! No one can make another happy! It can only come from peace with God and a love for yourself. If God loves me enough to die for….I must be worth it! man I love that!!! Focusing on what I have in Christ instead of what I wish I had in my marriage has really changed our relationship for the better!
Wow! I like that approach. I think ultimately we all must find our worth in Christ
In my marriage, I have most always been the emotionally stable partner. My wife might say that is because I am emotionally shallow. I don't know. I do feel things deeply at times, I am just not one that is easily ruled by my emotions.
My wife on the other hand feels deeply most of the time. Her emotions often dictate her actions, or in-action when she is depressed. I'm not sure either of us is emotionally unhealthy, just emotionally different.
We both have to really work at understanding each other because we are so different. I don't think it has gotten any easier after 25 years, but our relationship has gotten better. Not easier, but better.
–Richard
You described the delicate balance of many couples. I think God designs the differences, but when they aren't balanced correctly, it creates all kinds of issues.