One of the greatest improvements you can make to your leadership and possibly your life is to learn when and how to say “No”. That’s a tough challenge for me. I’m a doer and a people helper. I like to say “Yes” if at all possible. The reality is, however, than when I say yes to one thing I am ultimately saying no to something else. Often that “something else” has a higher potential for greater good. When I say no to another meeting and yes to my family, for example, I’m investing in God’s greatest gift to me.
It’s a constant challenge, but it’s a battle worth winning.
Today I’ve got a couple of simple questions…
Are you more inclined to say “Yes” or more inclined to say “No”?
Does it bother you to say “No”?
Bonus question: What helpful hints do you have for learning to say “No”?
Perhaps…I'm better at it now.
I have a really tough time saying no, especially in a church setting. I've had to teach myself to say no to even good things so that I can say yes to God's best. That soulds cliche, I know, but it's true…
Good cliche'
It all depends on what the yes and no would be to. But I agree, I do have a harder time saying no unless it conflicts with something that I've already said yes to.
I agree…Thanks
**Sings** "…I'm just a girl who cain't say No!"
Probably because people usually ask me to do things that they can't do and I can.
That's a good point.
I used to be awful about feeling obligated to say Yes instead of No. Perhaps the backbone comes with age?
Saw a video teaching "Shells" by Rob Bell a long while back. What has stuck with me is this thought…saying "no" is easier when you are clear about what you have said "yes" to. I still have that image of having your hands so full of small shells that there is no room to pick up the big one.
Haven't seen that one I don't think…I'll check it out.
Too be honest, it's hard for me to say no. Inside I'm such the people-pleaser that I want to make sure everything and everyone is okay. Its a tough reminder sometimes that saying no to certain things means saying yes (and investing) in other things.
Thanks for your honesty!
I am getting better at responding with "Let me check with my family." Being outgoing and LOVING to serve can, as we all know, leave our families in the dust. I try to respond immediately with "maybe" to allow time to think through the effect on my family. My best example is that I adore helping my children with homework (and they pretty much DEPEND on me for that). So, I consider if it's a week night – and ask for mercy to offer a last minute response. It worked yesterday!
That's a great response.
I think of it as the most efficient way of managing my time!
Honestly, lots of 'No's" are "Yes, but….." I may not be able to do it when the other person wants it.
I agree. Time management is a great motivator for the no answer.
I, too, am inclined to say "yes" because I like to please and to allow and to be a supporter. But I've learned that sometimes you just have to say "no". I do try and keep the No's to times when it is dangerous or stupid or too costly or the person asking hasn't really taken the time to figure out the negatives of a particular request. I find it easier to do if I have the backing of someone (boss, wife) or something (law, lack of money).
This is especially true at home. If I don't have the backing of my wife, it can be a real issue. I try and be the man, but even if I am right, if she isn't on the same page as me, it's not a pretty picture.
Thanks Jon. It's always good to check with your spouse before responding if it will impact him or her.
I’ve gone back in forth. In the past I have been inclined to say yes to everything. However, over the past two years have started to realize the toll that ‘Yes’ takes and the rest that ‘No’ can bring. When asked about doing something I have added a few steps to my thought process. I think up to the day of the event and if I’m going to be frustrated that I said yes or glad I said no. That usually helps me make better decisions
Good answer. Thanks Brian.