I think when I started to comment on this post, I had a real question in my mind that's been plaguing me for awhile. And I alluded to it above. Trust is fine. I trust God to not screw me over and to have my best interest at heart. I trust that His plan is the best, even though I probably can't see it or all of it. But how does that play out in the real world. In my marriage I believe that I am called to be an Ephesians 5 husband; especially from Eph 5:25,33b. So, should I trust that if I do what I am called to do that He will honor that and give me the heart of my wife? Probably not. There is no promise that I know of that follows that thought. So then if that's true then what should I trust? My guess is that I should in His plan and trust that if I obey, He at least won't punish me and may honor my efforts. But really? Is there evidence in scripture that even that thought is right? Perhaps yes on the won't punish me thought, but honor me? Not sure. And what does honor look like? For me, to be honored for being a great husband would be to be treated like one by my wife. But again, is there any promise that will happen? Not sure; don't think so. And if there is, I've been trying to be that great husband for almost three years and I have yet to feel any honor or respect from her.
And does trust look like me taking my hands totally off the wheel and letting Him drive or am I called to help? So if I should just let Him drive, how does that look in my marriage? Is it good enough to just do the minimum to be love her unconditionally? Should I stop doing the extras; in effect saying that they come when you (Wife) do what you're expected to do. But if I do that am I now putting conditions on the love? And if I help drive the issue what does that look like? Should I do some of the extras or all of them and if not all, then which ones? How do I know?
I think you're asking great questions, once that we may continue to ask. I think they are healthy. Trusting God doesn't mean I am absent of responsibility, yet I can't allow my responsibility to overtake my trust in God. I think the reason Paul said he "died daily" was that he recognized the daily struggle as followers of Christ. Certainly we will never figure out the balance completely. I think the answer is to keep our heart as close to Christ as we can so when we do sense Him turning our direction or focus we will "trust" Him in that too. Isaiah 30:20-21 comes to mind for you now.
And I'm not sure you have the answer to this, but if you do please share !
Why does it seem so difficult? Why does it seem that His plans are always hidden from us? I can always tell if I am doing the wrong thing, but am always left guessing if I am doing the right. Usually eventually it becomes clear, but that can be months or years and during that interim I'm always left wondering "Is this right? Seems like it, but the ground remains so bare with no fruit that I can see."
The world, our own minds, the things we think about. I think we are often clouded in seeing and trusting God because we focus on the wrong things. Philippians 4:8 is a good place to start.
I think for me, in some situations, it's more about the details than the overview. For example, in my marriage, I can read Ephesians 5:25, 33b and see that I am commanded to love my wife unconditionally. I am doing that; have been doing that for almost three years. I have not seen much fruit at all from her heart. So, I can say that it's never wrong to love my wife well. I can say that it's the right thing to do to love her unconditionally. But how does that play out? My approach has been to strive to be as excellent and loving and attentive and supportive and romantic and giving and helpful as possible. But what I see is that I could have just been a nice guy; loved her without expecting anything in return and NOT have done all the extras and probably still been in the same spot. Now, I don't know that. Perhaps all the extras are building up in her heart and a year from now I will reap great rewards from a renewed love from her. But what I see is that it's been a waste of time. I've even had a close friend counsel me to just stop doing the extras until she steps up and does her part. I see the wisdom in that thought; the old saw about why pay for what you get for free, but at the same time, by not wholeheartedly loving her from every angle, I kind of think I am not loving her unconditionally. This is where some sign or evidence that this path is the right one would be appreciated. I think if I was totally screwing up I'd know it, but when I'm in this gray area it's hard to see my way clear. And perhaps the details aren't as important as the overview, but then I wonder if I didn't so all the extras and go the extra mile or two or ten, perhaps she'd miss the lack of attention and that would trigger her heart…just don't know.
You are so right, but that is one of the hardest things to do. Why? I think that it's because we are finite people. We can't see His plan a lot of the time. And although I know that God has His best in store for me, I also know that because I don't see the entire picture, what I want and long for so desperately might not be the best, but it's all I can see and when He doesn't come through with that, it makes it harder to trust.
In the trials I am having in my marriage, I stay committed to my wife and my marriage because that's what I am called to do. And as good a job as I think I am doing, He has not softened her heart to return to me fully as my wife. That is very very hard. Now, should I trust blindly in God that He has His best planned for me? Yes, but I struggle with that because I know that I may have to go through more pain or loss or uncomfortable things in order to get to that end. And I guess I am really quite tired of the pain and emptiness. And I don't know what He has planned, I don't know how long it's going to take to get to a place of peace, if I ever do. I don't know if she will ever succumb to His will and be an Ephesians 5 wife. I want to see the outcome; I want to think that if I do what I am supposed to do, He will as well…but that may not be His plan. Is His plan perfect and the best for me? Sure. But how many times do we as people sacrifice the long term goal for the short term happiness…it's because we can't see that we many times cave.
Even as a Christian, and one that God has worked on over the last few years and one that can see His hand in so many places in my life…I still find it hard to really really just hand Him the wheel.
Thanx for the prayer; appreciate it a lot.
I think when I started to comment on this post, I had a real question in my mind that's been plaguing me for awhile. And I alluded to it above. Trust is fine. I trust God to not screw me over and to have my best interest at heart. I trust that His plan is the best, even though I probably can't see it or all of it. But how does that play out in the real world. In my marriage I believe that I am called to be an Ephesians 5 husband; especially from Eph 5:25,33b. So, should I trust that if I do what I am called to do that He will honor that and give me the heart of my wife? Probably not. There is no promise that I know of that follows that thought. So then if that's true then what should I trust? My guess is that I should in His plan and trust that if I obey, He at least won't punish me and may honor my efforts. But really? Is there evidence in scripture that even that thought is right? Perhaps yes on the won't punish me thought, but honor me? Not sure. And what does honor look like? For me, to be honored for being a great husband would be to be treated like one by my wife. But again, is there any promise that will happen? Not sure; don't think so. And if there is, I've been trying to be that great husband for almost three years and I have yet to feel any honor or respect from her.
And does trust look like me taking my hands totally off the wheel and letting Him drive or am I called to help? So if I should just let Him drive, how does that look in my marriage? Is it good enough to just do the minimum to be love her unconditionally? Should I stop doing the extras; in effect saying that they come when you (Wife) do what you're expected to do. But if I do that am I now putting conditions on the love? And if I help drive the issue what does that look like? Should I do some of the extras or all of them and if not all, then which ones? How do I know?
See, all of that from a three word post 🙂
I think you're asking great questions, once that we may continue to ask. I think they are healthy. Trusting God doesn't mean I am absent of responsibility, yet I can't allow my responsibility to overtake my trust in God. I think the reason Paul said he "died daily" was that he recognized the daily struggle as followers of Christ. Certainly we will never figure out the balance completely. I think the answer is to keep our heart as close to Christ as we can so when we do sense Him turning our direction or focus we will "trust" Him in that too. Isaiah 30:20-21 comes to mind for you now.
Continuing to pray for your situation Jon.
And I'm not sure you have the answer to this, but if you do please share !
Why does it seem so difficult? Why does it seem that His plans are always hidden from us? I can always tell if I am doing the wrong thing, but am always left guessing if I am doing the right. Usually eventually it becomes clear, but that can be months or years and during that interim I'm always left wondering "Is this right? Seems like it, but the ground remains so bare with no fruit that I can see."
Just doesn't seem right. 🙁
The world, our own minds, the things we think about. I think we are often clouded in seeing and trusting God because we focus on the wrong things. Philippians 4:8 is a good place to start.
Thanx for the verse.
I think for me, in some situations, it's more about the details than the overview. For example, in my marriage, I can read Ephesians 5:25, 33b and see that I am commanded to love my wife unconditionally. I am doing that; have been doing that for almost three years. I have not seen much fruit at all from her heart. So, I can say that it's never wrong to love my wife well. I can say that it's the right thing to do to love her unconditionally. But how does that play out? My approach has been to strive to be as excellent and loving and attentive and supportive and romantic and giving and helpful as possible. But what I see is that I could have just been a nice guy; loved her without expecting anything in return and NOT have done all the extras and probably still been in the same spot. Now, I don't know that. Perhaps all the extras are building up in her heart and a year from now I will reap great rewards from a renewed love from her. But what I see is that it's been a waste of time. I've even had a close friend counsel me to just stop doing the extras until she steps up and does her part. I see the wisdom in that thought; the old saw about why pay for what you get for free, but at the same time, by not wholeheartedly loving her from every angle, I kind of think I am not loving her unconditionally. This is where some sign or evidence that this path is the right one would be appreciated. I think if I was totally screwing up I'd know it, but when I'm in this gray area it's hard to see my way clear. And perhaps the details aren't as important as the overview, but then I wonder if I didn't so all the extras and go the extra mile or two or ten, perhaps she'd miss the lack of attention and that would trigger her heart…just don't know.
You are so right, but that is one of the hardest things to do. Why? I think that it's because we are finite people. We can't see His plan a lot of the time. And although I know that God has His best in store for me, I also know that because I don't see the entire picture, what I want and long for so desperately might not be the best, but it's all I can see and when He doesn't come through with that, it makes it harder to trust.
In the trials I am having in my marriage, I stay committed to my wife and my marriage because that's what I am called to do. And as good a job as I think I am doing, He has not softened her heart to return to me fully as my wife. That is very very hard. Now, should I trust blindly in God that He has His best planned for me? Yes, but I struggle with that because I know that I may have to go through more pain or loss or uncomfortable things in order to get to that end. And I guess I am really quite tired of the pain and emptiness. And I don't know what He has planned, I don't know how long it's going to take to get to a place of peace, if I ever do. I don't know if she will ever succumb to His will and be an Ephesians 5 wife. I want to see the outcome; I want to think that if I do what I am supposed to do, He will as well…but that may not be His plan. Is His plan perfect and the best for me? Sure. But how many times do we as people sacrifice the long term goal for the short term happiness…it's because we can't see that we many times cave.
Even as a Christian, and one that God has worked on over the last few years and one that can see His hand in so many places in my life…I still find it hard to really really just hand Him the wheel.
I think we all do Jon. It's the old flesh battling God's Spirit within us. Paul talked about that too.
Ditto!