This is a premature post. My boys will probably balk at it, but I’ll be honest. I’m a people watcher. That’s especially true when I’m out of town where I don’t know anyone.
This is written while in Florida to perform my oldest son’s wedding. He and his soon-to-be wife have been together for many years, so we feel she’s already part of the family. They say they want to enjoy life together a few years, but we know they both love children, so, even though we would encourage them to take their time, we suspect they’ll have children within the first few years of marriage.
That means most likely we’ll someday be grandparents and it has made me more conscious of what it will be like at that stage of life. Cheryl and I talk about it often.
Today I saw a family out with a grandmother. It was a beautiful family. The kids seemed well-behaved. The parents seemed attentive. The only problem, in my opinion, was an over-bearing, controlling grandmother. Every time the children did anything she corrected them. She consistently over-ruled the parents with the children. She didn’t appear as a loving grandmother, but rather as a family friend who grew impatient with the couple’s children.
I’ve already told my boys, but I feel I need to tell you for accountability purposes. Here are 4 commitments Cheryl and I hope to make as grandparents:
When parents are near, we’ll be silent – In the ideal setting, grandparents should have raised their children to be adults. Their daily parenting task is done and they shouldn’t try to take that role from their children who are now parents.
We’ll be there for the parents – Parenting is hard work. A parent needs all the support he or she can receive. We’ll be in the parent’s corner as grandparents.
We’ll support the parents – Not only will we support the parents, when we’re grandparents, we’ll step away and let the parent’s model for parenting prevail. Hopefully the mark we hoped to make on our children will carry forward, but it will be their job, not ours, to be the parents. (Granted, if there was a severe problem, we’d step in, but if it’s a matter of preference in parenting, we’ll be silent.)
We’ll compete for grandparents of the year – Let’s face it. I’m competitive. This will be one more place I hope to succeed. Hey, it worked for parenting…at least I think it did…why not for grandparenting?
It’s going to be fun being a grandparent.
Are you a grandparent? What would you add to my list?
Are you a parent dealing with grandparents? What would you add?
Have you witnessed, or experienced, over-bearing grandparenting? What would you add?
All your writings and Teachings of the Bible it is of more Theological.And please if you do mind could you explain some of the terms you are using to the point where also none theologians can understand it literaly.
God bless you
May He Support your plan for Church planting.
Very fortunate to read and see the pictures and mood matters of your grandparents.
Please you are blessed to have such people of the old ages with you at your present.
May God add to their days.For us as Africans we consider such aged people out of their experiences we just concludeded that one have got Dictionary at home.
Amen
As a kid, I have witnessed and experienced over-bearing grandparents. Grandparents behave in such a way, since the parents are their children. Even though the parents are grown adults, grand parents see them as their children. I have always seen my grand parents advising our parents in all the matters and discussions relating to us.
Good luck with biting your tongue when your grandchild is being corrected. My folks are great grandparents, but sometimes my mom has a tough time watching her grandiose (especially little ones) be corrected when she thinks the behavior might be borderline. 🙂 (although I’m sure I would have been corrected by her. lol)
Pat McManus wrote an article once that every boy needs an old man. My dad has done a great job being an old man for our three boys. That might be the greatest thing any grandpa can be (if you have granddaughters I don’t know what you do for them.) 🙂
Supporting our own children as they learn to parent is like being in graduate school — we're still learning, maybe still instructing a class or two, and still having fun. Blessing upon blessing . . .