What is the balance between helping someone in need and enabling them in a perpetual cycle of bad behavior? Honestly, I never know.
In ministry we always have opportunities to help people. In every church I’ve served as pastor the needs always seemed to be greater than our ability to help. The frustrating part for me is that we tend to see the same people every month. The same few faces come looking for charity. They got into trouble last month and they made the same mistakes again this month. I have often found out later that they were at several other churches to ask for help before they came to ours.
One of the biggest struggles I have as a full-time minister is that I spent most of my life in the business world. I know how hard money is to make and keep (and how easy it is to lose sometimes.) I don’t ever want to be uncaring. I always want to do what Jesus would do, but honestly, there are many times that there doesn’t seem to be clearly defined answer.
I do believe that helping every time is not the answer either. I don’t give my boys what they say they “need” every time. I don’t think God does that for us either. Doing without and learning hard lessons from it are often a great part of life.
Does anyone have some easy to follow guidelines of when to help and when not to? I know the response to “follow your heart”, but my heart always wants to give. It’s many times my head that’s yelling “Wait, don’t do it! This is a scam!” Trying to balance between the two is difficult for me. I’m sure that’s part of the messiness of ministry.
If you are going to “help” you need to make a way for the person you are helping to improve their situation. If your helping does not teach them how to “do it right”, it is my opinion that you are enabling.
There is a pastor in town that if he sees a person a 2nd time for benevolence, they have to sit down with him and learn how to do a budget and whatever else he discovers that they need to learn. If they refuse, he takes it as a sign that they aren’t wanting help after all… just a hand out.
Too many churches like to throw money at a problem and brag about “their work with the poor”. That is not work…that is bad stewardship.
In my opinion.
We live in a low-income county, and many people we minister to are functionally illiterate. Jobs are scarce, and the needs are great here.
While some people are indeed freeloaders, I don’t want to get jaded. (I write about this on one of my blogs: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/KarlaKAkins/414017/ )
I just try to remember to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and understand that God accepts the seeds I sow if I sow them with the right heart.
Strange that I’m reading this now… I just seconds ago posted about you on my blog… I think you help more than you know. As far as when to say no, I have no advice. My kids have WAY more than they need.
http://www.myspecialks.com/2008/08/how-does-your-church-serve-you.html
Thanks Freddy T. I’ll check out the book. I like Tim Keller a lot!
Also, please keep in mind that everything Nathaniel says is not a direct reflection on me or how I raised him. (J/k) Thanks for reading.
Hey Ron, I just recently subscribed yours and Nathanial’s blogs…great stuff! Tim Keller’s book titled Ministries of Mercy has some incredible stuff addressing this very thing. Its too long for me to type out here…but I commend that book to you and others in addressing these specific situations…thanks for the blog bro!