Drew Snider is a pastor at Gospel Mission in Vancouver, B.C., Canada and a reader of my blog. Recently he asked me a question online about performing marriages for those who are living together and I thought it was worth asking here, so I asked him to guest post about it. Here’s Drew’s post:
Ron very kindly offered me a guest shot here, to get some feedback on a puzzle that’s bugged me for some time. What does a pastor do when a man and woman who have been Living Together come in and say they want to get married? I’d been thinking about this ever since my stepdaughter and her fiancé ran into turbulence when his family’s priest balked at doing the ceremony because they were “living in sin”.
Their decision to live together came after they had determined they were committed to each other for life. Moreover, they had also started taking those delightful, positive steps towards discovering Christ, inspired partly by the young man’s spiritual journey and partly by her mother’s return to the Lord; she’d only been water-baptized in the year before. But this feeling of rejection nearly put them off Christianity, which is the last thing one should want. So I started looking through Scripture for the answer to a basic question: where is it specified that the wedding ceremony is required before a couple can live together?
I can’t find it. Maybe I’m missing something.
We’re not talking fornication here. As I interpret the word, “fornication” means the wanton pursuit of fleshly satisfaction, not a man and woman who have found their life mate but have not solemnized that union either before God or under civil jurisdiction. In the absence of Scriptural foundation, are we not dealing with a principle of man, which often works at cross-purposes to God’s word? Consider:
- Do we not run the risk of driving away people who may be about to decide that Christ is the way, but feel judged, rejected or unworthy?
- Does this not go against the principle of Grace? Shouldn’t we rejoice that they want to bring their union under God, and not impose conditions?
- Theoretically, a long-time womanizer who suddenly decides to propose to Miss Right Now has a greater chance of being married in a church.
- In their zeal to find a church, the couple might go “church-shopping” and wind up with a church that makes compromises in other areas that are addressed in Scripture
- What about an older couple in their 40s or 50s, say (I have one in mind), who are finally coming to the Lord?
Which should be the priority: a principle of man, or God’s will that all should know Him? As Ron pointed out in his reply to a comment of mine on this blog, many couples opt for civil ceremonies these days and thus deny themselves Christian pre-marital counseling. I would add that that also denies them the opportunity to learn what their individual roles really are according to the word of God, rather than what they’ve heard second-hand from The World.
So over to you-all: what’s your take on this?
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Why would anyone have a problem assisting people that are turning away from sin that they have been involved with for some time? There's all kinds of sin out there. When people drop a particular sin habit, we should be cheering them along not condemning them for what they've done in the past.
I guarantee you God is happy to see them approaching the alter.
Thanks Lisa! This is why I perform them. Great discussion though…
Sometimes due to financial and life circumstances a woman and man do end up living together. I think the pastor should and can do everything within their power to not only offer pre-marital counseling but also to marry them. I speak from personal experience here. Our pastor did not make a big deal about it, he was quick to start our pre-marital counseling and helped us budget and realize that we could get married a lot sooner then we thought. I am eternally grateful for his non judgmental attitude, in fact I have been married 3 years. We attend church pretty much every Sunday (hey we're human, only one human was ever perfect! :D), our faith is flourishing and for the past year and a half I have been in seminary with the hope of pursuing pastoral ministry. Had my pastor judged me, I will be quite honest, it may have resulted in the final blow that would have killed my faith in church, God and Christianity. Praise be to God that's not what ended up happening.
That is great and I am glad you are growing in your faith and living in God's grace. I just think we need to be careful not mix up truth and judgment. I am sure your pastor was sensitive to the Holy Spirit in how he dealt with your situation but I also think that he could have still challenged you to follow God's design for marriage without coming across as judgmental. Often we label people or situations as judgmental simply because we don't like to hear the truth. That's the line that Pastors are constantly walking when it comes to the issue of marriage and those living together. Nevertheless, we need to lovingly, tactfully and courageously affirm God's design for marriage. When we do that we always run the risk of having people respond to truth by defining it as judgment.
I like the way this discussion has gone. Sharing opinions and truth in love.
Hey Shawn!!! I am not intending to thread the needle here… and I also believe the Truth of the Gospel can fall across many different layers in our lives…. Just relating w/my personal experience. My wife and I are artists… Early in our relationship we were forced financially much like LoveLiftedMe into cohabitation… We actually resided with my then 6 year old daughter (previous relationship where I was completely outside of His Grace) into my wife's art studio. We actually lived there in secret, it was not zoned residential. If not for her studio we would have literally been out on the street. Our pastor prayed with us, and carefully watched over us- admonished us in Truth w/o judgement. What is important here is that he had already taught us marriage and God's design for marriage… we all felt we could honor the Lord even in our cohabitation.
I was saved as a 8 year old… meeting my wife shortly after returning under His Grace (mid 30's), after a long period of time of active and aggressive rebellion. I am aware of the appearance of a thing could cause others to stumble- to this I can only say that we did not pastor others at this point in our journey… we were surrounded with very mature believers who knew our hearts, and did not even question the physical aspects of our relationship. I cannot question whether or not it was right for us… I know and have great belief that we made the wisest decision. We lived together in that studio, and later our first apartment, with the covering of the Lord's Grace on us, and an active awareness of how He had saved us. I would not even hold my wife's hand during this time… She slept with our daughter in our only bed, I slept next to them on the floor.
Having said all of this…. I do believe our solution might not be beneficially to others… and if I were pastoring others early in their relationships… I might not advise a similar option. Community is much different here in Colorado than it was in Ca, and possibly other options would be presented. I trust the Father to answer each dynamic separately.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Hey Matthew – thanks for sharing. The key word that comes through in your story is 'grace. For every 'success' story like yours i can tell you a hundred that went offline. Just the other day i had one lady tell me that if it wasn't for her 'Christian' boyfriend dating her she would have never found Jesus. I said to her, 'maybe, maybe not, whatever the case it was God's grace exhibited in her life." I then asked her if she would want the same experience for her kids? She thought about it and her answer was 'no.' She would want them to marry believers and begin their marriages God's way.
I think it comes down to what you said at the end of your post, "Having said all of this…. I do believe our solution might not be beneficially to others… and if I were pastoring others early in their relationships… I might not advise a similar option." I guess the question is 'would you want the same experience for your daughter as you had?" In my experience people who have gone through what you did usually want it to be different for their kids. I am so thankful that you were able to exhibit self-control and worked hard at not flaunting your situation. You truly experienced God's grace – but I will also go out on a limb and say that I am confident that God would have and could have made a way for your living arrangement if you chose to take the stance of separation till marriage.
Thanks for adding to the discussion.
Many thanks for a great post and discussion. The issue I see is that we have in many ways devalued the institution… or perhaps better said.. the sacrament of marriage. The questions about a couple living together provide one challenge. Same sex marriage provides another. Let me explain – the main reason I oppose same sex marriages (sin issues aside) is based on Paul's comments on the mystery of marriage in Eph. Clearly, marriage is intended to bear witness to the relationship between Christ and His church. He is the bridegroom and we are the bride. Same sex marriage mars that witness not to mention leaves it unfulfilled due to the lack of being fruitful and multiplying. So, those ministers who endorse or preside over same sex marriage ceremonies devalue marriage in the church and the culture.
In the same vein, don't we devalue the marriage sacrament by offering it to couples living together unless there is repentance and recognition of what God intends marriage to be? Now, how that repentance is shown (separation for a time, immediate marriage, etc..) is a matter for some discussion and that's a lot of what I'm hearing in this thread. But there is something bigger at stake here. The church doesn't "test drive" Jesus for awhile before deciding to commit to Him. I know. I know. You could argue that individuals often do just that. (Belonging before believing. etc..) But marriage isn't about individuals ultimately. It points to something much greater than the couple and that is the reason it should be done before believers who bear witness and are reminded of their own covenanted promises.
Part of our difficulty is that we have idolized the fantasy of the marriage ceremony in our culture and elevated it to something absurdly expensive and self-absorbing. If it's truly a sacrament, maybe it needs to be rethought and brought back into the church service along with baptism, praying for the sick, dedicating children, communion, etc…
Okay. Leaving soapbox now.
Jeff Ling http://www.jefferyling.com
Thanks Jeff for your thoughtful add to this discussion.
This is a great and thought provoking post. As many have implied, jumping to "You're living in sin" Is not a loving approach. But I do think it's important to look at where we are at today. Technically no, the bible doesn't say anything about a wedding ceremony or "night" to seal the deal. But we live in an age where there is little familial and community involvement keeping the "betrothed" in that commitment. There are far more broken engagements today.
Also, at Love and Respect we survey people at our marriage conferences. We are seeing consistent feedback that husbands and wives who slept together before they got married have higher dis-trust in their marriage. Because of our westernized "dating" patterns, we have the space to decide if we are going to wait or not. Subconsciously when the partners choose to not hold out, it devalues the sacredness held over our commitment to "wait" and can decrease how valued the partner feels.
Ideally it would be great if we all committed to one person emotionally and sexually for the rest of our lives, but I think there is value and wisdom to abstaining until a more binding commitment and profession can be made to the community at large. For now, it seems we have wedding ceremonies. And until that ceremony I think the wisest move for couples is to value one another, God's creation and wait to bind that commitment publicly and before God.
Joy, I\’m honored by your comment. I love your work at Love and Respect. I have been teaching those principles for years on Ephesians 5. Now I have a book to refer people to. Thanks
Great comment too
Joy, that does put good perspective on all of this. I'm struck in particular by the observation about levels of dis-trust. It makes sense, although it's a paradox: "if you're sleeping with someone you're not married to (even if it's me), how do I know you won't sleep with someone you're not married to even after we're married?"
That leads to a key challenge question that I would put to a couple: could your relationship withstand going without sex?
I'm also reminded of CS Lewis' observation in "Mere Christianity", in which he says sex outside of marriage is an abomination because (I'm summarizing this) it is an intense, two-become-one intimacy that cannot be "casualized". Two people cannot share an experience that intimate and then go about their lives as if there were nothing between them.
Wow, what a topic. Not sure I have an answer, but let me add to the fire.
Personally, I would never live with anyone without being married. If you are living with someone, unless you are not having sex, what is the difference between a man having 365 one-night stands a year and having sex with his live-in every night for a year?
Having said that, we all make mistakes and God can grant us the grace to realize that mistake and fix it. And as the Church we should be encouraging of that process. I like the idea posted above that if a couple gets to this point of marriage, then the question perhaps becomes, Why are we getting married? Is it because of social convention, or the financial "benefits", or because we have developed or deepened our relationship to God? If we have come to the point where we realize that this live-in relationship is a sin and want to rectify it, then I agree with the above post that one of them should move out or that minimally they should choose to be chaste until the wedding night. If they don't want to take that step and are supposedly wanting this relationship with God, then I would question the trueness of their motives. This would hopefully come out in pre-marital counseling. I'm not sure as a minister, which I am not, that I would want to be a part of a union that from the start is based on lies or half-truths.
Still is the sin of fornication any worse than the sin of, say, greed? Would we not marry someone because they have questionable business tactics?
And all of these thoughts presented here and questions that have arisen don't take into account the fact that we don't know God's plan. We can't see what He has in store. We are most likely one small step in a very long journey.
In my own life I can look back and see where I have made a number of mistakes along the way and hurt people that I love, especially my wife. And I would give almost anything to take them back and redo them.. On the other hand, God has used all the pain in my past and present to bring me to such a better place with Him and hopefully going forward my wife and I will have such a stronger and more fulfilling marriage than we could have ever imagined.
See… no real answers to the topic.. just more questions and fuel for the fire .
Thanks Jon. God will use your experiences to help others. Good analogy here to think about.
Pastors Drew and Ron,
I think your effort to clarify a complicated issue like this one through a blog post is absolutely praiseworthy. Now let me express my views.
Living together is wrong both morally and legally. Living together is not only fornication but it's a sin that a couple do against each other because there's no guarantee that one of them will not isolate the other person unexpectedly (in other words there's no assurance about commitment).
I think this is a one reason why we see too many single mothers struggling with children. While single mothers in Europe and America have to deal with the issue of managing a fatherless family single mothers in Asian countries have to deal with the issue of rejection by others and supporting a fatherless child.
According to my unofficial observation, most women in Asia are still not that educated. They have very slim employement opportunities. Imagine an uneducated woman who lives together with a man and have children. Suddenly he dumps her for someone else. Now if she was legally married to the man she can appeal to courts, receive a divorce while the courts entitle him to support her financially. But since she has been just living together with a him the law can't help her either.
Couples who are living together a are social crisis too. As children that come from broken families grow up to be broken people.
The Bible doesn't talk about wedding ceremonies, but in my country the main purpose served by a wedding ceremony is to gather a cloud of witnesses.
Having said that my conclusion about Pastors performing Marriages for Couples Living Together is – helping a couple to get married by performing a marriage is better than letting them to continue to live together and get crippled by worse issues in the future. May be the Pastor can confront the couple of their past sin in private, invite them to repent, give them assurance about God's love and grace before saying yes or no.
Considering the situation faced by Pastor Drew Snider's step daughter and her fiancé I would say the priest should have paid attention to details before proclaiming judgment upon them.
As I said before living together is a sin that a couple commits against each other. But Pas. Drew's step daughter and her fiancé wanted to get married at a certain point of their life because they are ready to turn from their sinful ways and make a commitment to each other in God's presence. I think his family priest should have dealt with this situation with an open heart and a mind.
In my country once a year the government collects statistics about couples who live together and conducts a mass wedding ceremony to legally unite them. I see that secular world gives a second chance while some churches don't.
Thanks Yohan. Good thoughts.
First off, I don't agree that these people were living in "sinful ways", any more than a married couple whose lives are devoted to amassing wealth or are obsessed with fashion is following sinful ways — and probably a whole lot less so. But your comment about the secular world leads to another point: is *any* marriage preferable to co-habitation? Civil ceremony? Arranged? Pagan? Required by law to tie the knot in a mass ceremony?
I can get pretty passionate about this and really not from biblical grounds. Georgia State University did a study on this and they found that it is detrimental to staying married to that person for the rest of their life. If you take out the people who live together before getting married the divorce rate is significantly lower. Then you take those who have been married then divorce then live together before getting married again their chances are only 17% of staying married for the rest of their lives.
While working on my doctorate I had Indiana University profs who had read the empirical data and encouraged people not to live together before getting married. These profs were not Christ-followers, but far from God.
It's a real bad idea to live together before getting married. And not just a biblical concept, but a human one.
At LifePoint we ask couples to separate for the time before the wedding to show their commitment to the institution of marriage.
Love the discussion above. Thanks for the post.
Blessings,
Dave
Thanks Dave. I totally agree that it sets up a bad standard from which to build the marriage.
Great comments and thanks for allowing this guest post Ron. Appreciate the post from the writer and the advice from the commenters. Press On
Thanks George
Love this post. As a Christian Single I'm often encouraged to shack up to test drive the man. I agree it is fornication that the bible clearly calls sin. I won't shack up with anyone because it would be too tempting for me to fornicate. It is wisdom, not sin. That's how I approach it with friends.
It's amazing how the principles of man become law. I was in New Zealand a few years back. Since nobody I knew from church was there I decided to go to a local restaurant's bar and order a glass of wine. In comes a local clergyman (he had on a collar) – I felt so busted. He saw me with my bible sat next to me and ordered a pitcher of beer. Wow, I thought. After about an hour of great conversation and spirits, he commences to tell me how my make-up is carnal and of the devil! There are scriptures to back that up. That situation convicted me to ask the Lord to help me read His word with help of the Holy Spirit & mind of Christ so I wouldn't filter it through my culture. (I still wear my makeup at least in the US! )
Thanks Laurinda. That's a great story. I can think of some passages in Colossians that would contradict his take on the passages he's relying on for interpretation.
There is ALWAYS a way to confront sin and do it in a loving way.
Besides, just a quick look at the social evidence indicates that you are doing this couple a disservice by not encouraging them to save sex for marriage.
Consider the following:
Michael McManus from his book Living Together: Myths, Risks, and Answers “More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.”
The president and founder of The Medical Institute for Sexual Health said, "After five years, only 10 percent of cohabiting couples are still together." – In other words, the shelf life for 90% of cohabiting couples is 5 years.
Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers."
The wedding doesn't have to take place in a church building with a steeple and have a song, a reading, a lighting of candles, etc but before God and witnesses, marriage must be respected and the marriage bed must be pure…that's God's plan for marriage.
When Jesus teaches about adultery, he says, "You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Jesus raised the bar on their understanding of "adultery". It sounds like you're trying to lower it.
Jesus often gave the hard answers but he did so in a loving way. When the rich young ruler decided not to follow Jesus, he still looked at him with compassion. We have to firmly, but gently, share God's ideals for marriage, love, and the church and work with people where they are. We present the Truth in love. They decide if they will follow Jesus or not. The rich young ruler turned away because Jesus asked too much of him. This couple may turn away but they may also respect your stand for Truth and your desire to show them compassion in such an important decision of their lives.
God bless you as you wrestle with this issue.
I love it. 100%.
Thanks!
I love that…"There is always a way to confront sin in a loving way". Thanks!
This is a great discussion, and I hope it keeps up. My main observation so far is that I haven't seen the book-chapter-verse citation to support the notion that a couple living together is committing a sin. Nathan suggests I was trying to lower the bar that Jesus had raised when He talked about thinking evil thoughts is tantamount to committing that evil (interestingly, part of a general discussion on judging others). I'm not trying to lower the bar: we're talking about a different bar and I'm trying to determine why this particular bar is set where it is. If I'm to look at a couple who's living together and decides they want to get married and tell them that they're living in sin, I want to be able to back it up with the Word of God. That way, it's not my opinion, but God's directive.
Thanks for starting the discussion
Hi Drew,
As much as I appreciate the importance of 'chapter and verse' it is not the only proof needed to understand whether something is right or wrong. I think Nathan did a good job giving some Scriptural support for why two believers should not live together before marriage. I would also add that just because there may not be a clear verse to support a behavior there are clear over arching principles that Scripture does communicate (i.e., purity, integrity, etc..). I can't find a verse in the Bible that says smoking crack is wrong or that driving over the speed limit is wrong – yet i am guessing you would agree that there are principles in Scripture that when followed would lead us to abstain from these actions and that when practiced would mean we have crossed the line and committed sin.
In dealing with a couple who lives together the goal (in my opinion) is to help them see the heart and purposes of God for them and I think the whole of Scripture speaks to the fact that God calls us to live lives of purity and integrity which living together would potentially lead to the disintegration of those values in a persons life.
One more thing. When it comes to couples living together I like to cut to the chase and I ask them if they are sexually active. 9 out of 10 times they tell me 'yes" (believers and non-believers). That being the case I now have a Biblical basis for challenging them in regards to their living arrangements. I can now walk them through Scripture and show them God's ideal for sexuality and why purity is so important to Him and for marriage. And for those who are living together and say they are not sexually active I can take them to the Bible and show them what God has to say about lying
Thanks Shawn. Good diaologue
Maybe I misunderstood your point Drew. I thought I understood this post to be about sex before marriage. Isn't that what you mean by "living together". If it's not, and it's strictly platonic, I would still advocate the two to separate because of "the appearance of evil" and "flee sexual immorality". In other words, they are putting themselves in a position to stumble. No one is that strong to resist temptation when you are putting yourself in the middle of a situation that may cause you to fail.
If we are talking about sex before marriage then I believe I did give you chapter and verse. Hebrews 13:4 talks about keeping the marriage bed pure. There doesn't need to be much explanation on that but I suppose I could also point to all the verses that talk about sexual immorality. What is sexual immorality in your understanding if not for sex outside of marriage?
Again, let me reiterate. I believe these things can be handled with love and compassion. Jesus looked at the woman caught in adultery and forgave her and said, "Go and sin no more." You referred to John 4 and the Samaritan woman. We don't know the whole story. All we know is that Jesus was aware of her relationship status but wanted to offer her living water (Himself). She believed and became a witness of Jesus as the Messiah and many in her town believed. After the story in John 4 did she go back to things as normal? We have no idea and therefore can't use this text to reinforce an idea that we shouldn't confront sin. I have a hunch that she repented of her sin and sacrificed everything to follow Jesus. But that's just a hunch.
So, I'm not sure how much more you need to be convinced, but it is clear that sexual immorality (ie – sex outside of marriage) is sin, that the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, that we ought to flee sexual immorality, that the marriage bed should be undefiled, and that it is God's will for our sanctification that we abstain from sexual immorality. We also know that we should reach out in gentleness and respect, love and mercy remembering that at one point we were all dead in our sins. I'm not being judgmental, I'm sharing the truth in love. Confronting an obvious sin is not being judgmental it's being used by God to bring reconciliation and peace to that person. It is in the couple's best interests for their future marriage and their relationship with God to be reconciled to Him as most important. It is unloving not to confront sin but confrontation must be done in love.
If I'm still misunderstanding something, please let me know.
Thanks Nathan for continuing this discussion.
One thought that quickly comes to mind is, "Thank God He didn't wait for me to Stop 'living in sin' Before He provided His salvation!".
I like that!
I struggled with this issue myself. I'm a bit of a hyper-moralist when it comes to issues of appropriate contact outside and inside marriage. But I've come to realize that this perspective is more something I've been given than something I derived from natural law.
As I've investigated scriptural patterns for weddings (not just marriages), I have found, frankly, that there isn't really a pattern. There are many surprising mechanisms in Scripture for how spouses were selected. One that strikes me as particularly intriguing is that of Isaac and Rebekah, in Genesis 24. There's certainly no lack of love and commitment in the story. There's no twisting of motivations. Everything's on the up-and-up. All the participants are willing. And they're all obedient to God's design. But it is a bit odd that, right at the anticlimactic verse at the end, Isaac takes one look at her–his first–and takes her into the tent to marry her so they can do their thang.
Is this a paradigm? Did they do anything wrong?
I'm pretty sure that the answer to both questions is "no." Which means that we really can't answer any of the other questions.
A couple of close family members who co-habitated now have a vibrant, spiritual, Christian marriage and a commitment that is an example for me to follow. Is a single data point sufficient to establish anything conclusive? On the one hand, no, not really. On the other hand, neither is the story of Isaac and Rebekah, two people who obediently followed the miraculous will of God and the sincere and noble hopes of their parents.
But it sure does keep the issue open, instead of giving us the authority to clamp down with our opinions on the matter and decide what people should be excluded from sacramental blessings just because we don't think their behavior is good enough.
Thanks Jeffrey for wrestling through this with us.
For me – the approach to this issue is twofold.
1. If they are both unbelieving – of course I would offer them pre-marital sessions and then marry them. What a great opportunity to see God work in their lives and relationship.
2. If they claim to be Christ followers then I take another approach and spend some time understanding their decision to move in with each other. I have had this happen numerous times with young couples in my church and have watched God work in cool ways in their lives. My challenge to them is to ask them if they want to begin their marriage based upon God's plans and purposes. They usually answer 'yes.'
I then challenge and encourage that one of them move out until their wedding day and commit to our premarital process as well as sexual purity. We always offer a place for one of them to stay (often that is their excuse). I have seen many of them make the right choice and begin their marriage God's way. Other times they choose not to make the choice to move out of which we tell them that we then cannot perform the marriage.
This is what I think and have done as well.
Thanks
Just one question with the statement… RE:: "Other times they choose not to make the choice to move out of which we tell them that we then cannot perform the marriage."
So, if two unbelieving people decide they do not want to move out before their wedding, and you decide not to marry them does that mean we as Pastor's/leaders are saying we would rather you continue in sin, and say good luck to you. Or is it better to go ahead and marry them.
Just because they are living together doesn't mean we condone the action if we marry them, it just means we would rather them live together in the right way as opposed to selfish desires.
Maybe I misread the statement, sorry if I did and this comment makes no sense
Thanks for allowing me a chance to reply to it, BTW I am not as far along as some pastor's are just wanted to add a thought. God Bless and Keep Pressing FWD.
Good questions George. These are tough issues for sure. Thanks for wrestling with them. (And your question and response was very respectful also.) I love the ability to discuss and even disagree at times. It keeps the body healthy.
Hey George,
That was my statement that you are referring to. In the case of two unbelieving people living together I would encourage them to consider God's design regarding marriage. However, if they did not choose God's way i would still marry them because God is not their priority or focus. Hopefully i could build a relationship with them through the process and and see them come to know Jesus.
In regards to the statement that you quoted me on I am speaking about and to those who profess Christ but still choose to live together. As a Pastor i will challenge them to separate till their wedding day in order to begin their marriage within God's design. When they choose not to make that decision and decide to stay living together I then inform them that I cannot marry them. The reason is that my conscience (as well as Scripture) will not allow me to play a part in blessing their union when they choose to be disobedient to God's design for marriage. In these cases i encourage the couple to be married by a civil agent or Justice of the Peace rather than by a Pastor. Again, this is my response to those who claim Christ as their Savior NOT those who are unbelievers.
Hope that gives you some clarity from where I am coming from.
Blessings,
Shawn
Thanks Shawn for dialoguing with the post
No problem Ron. I appreciate your blog and insights. Thanks for taking the time to invest in others.
Thanks Shawn.
Thanks. Good thoughts.