I sat with a man recently. He’s lost his job, can’t find another and it’s having an impact on his marriage. I quickly diagnosed his real problem. Not that I’m an expert in diagnosing problems, but I’ve seen this one many times and his language made it clear.
He said things like, “I used to be able to…” and “I don’t think I’ll ever…”. It seemed clear to me, so I took a chance and told him my theory. He was believing a lie.
If you’re a man, at some point, you’ve probably believed one of these lies:
I will fail if I try
I don’t measure up
I am not as good as he is
I don’t have what it takes
I can’t win
I can do this and no one will know
I can’t be honest about that
I’m the only one who has ever struggled with this
I can’t recover from that
I can’t be the spiritual leader of my home
If you’ve been hit with a setback, if you are licking your wounds from a failure, if you simply can’t find your way right now, you may be allowing the enemy, the world or your own mind to feed you some lies.
One way out of the “funk” may be to insert some truth into your life. (Look up these verses as a start: Philippians 4:13, Joshua 1:9, 1 John 4:4, Psalm 121:1.)
Which of the above lies are you currently believing?
You might also read the companion post, 10 Lies Women Believe.
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My fauvorite book about the lies that satan spread to us is '' victory over the darkness'' by Neil T. Anderson. Neil, in all his books, explain that we are no longer slaves of our past, experiences etc. AND WE ARE NEW PERSONS IN JESUS CHRIST ! WHAT AN AMAZING TRUTH ! AND WE HAVE TO BELIEVE THE GOSPEL IF WE WANT TO SEE OURSELVES THROUGHT THE EYES OF GOD !
I've read that book. Great one. Need to read it again. Thanks
thank you for opening my eyes !
Amen
many times I think "I’m the only one who has ever struggled with this".
But, I fail to realize that there are many who will be undergoing the similar struggles and difficulties.
Thanks Uma!
"I can’t be honest about that" is one I can identify with too… Very challenging.
Thanks you!
I identify with the statements "I can do this and no one will know" and "I cant be honest about that". It has been one of my greatest struggle but I do want to recover and be under God's leadership and grace again.
Thanks for your honesty.
I mostly experience the "I am the only one who has ever struggled with this" one.
Glad to know I'm not the only one!
Thanks for your honesty. You are not alone.
You're not!
Twitter: bryankr
says:
I think you said a great deal, here! Many people think insecurity is something you are raised with, something you develope from childhood. It comes from not dealing with failure properly and it can be developed at any age by anyone! Satan sneaks in anywhere! He’s good at what he does! Those are some of his best lies.
Thanks Bryan!
Absolutely. I agree. Satan is a liar.
After telling a marketing guru I had the desire to plant a church, he told me, "Agh, that's a young man's work." I believed that for a while. In my heart, I know it's a lie. If it is to be, whatever my age, God will make it so.
Don't believe him!
Amen! I felt like an old guy at times, but there are planters far older than me!How old was Moses when he was called out?
I think it's a universal male thing – to feel like an impostor. To feel like everyone is smooth and everyone is successful except for you. The male ego naturally wants to put up a front. So we see other people's fronts and think it's reality. It's easy to compare ourselves to others and feel like a failure.
I love that "be strong and courageous" passage you listed from Joshua. That has been something I've had to tell myself multiple times.
Thanks Loren. I agree.
Thanks Loren. Good thoughts. I agree completely.
As a man who has struggled with an addiction which led to the smoking ruins of a 26-year marriage, I can attest to the power of many/most/all of these lies in my own life. As I am still in recovery both for my addiction and my divorce, it amazes me how often and quickly these lies continue to jump up into my path, often times when things are otherwise going well.
@Mike: Yes, becoming immersed in God's Word and Spirit is the answer, but don't expect immediate results. From my own experience, these lies have been working on my psyche for years, and it will take some time for them to be overcome. While I do not mean to minimize God's power, I anticipate a gradual recovery that can only come with repeated, consistent immersion, crushing old habits and establishing new ones. But, I also anticipate recovery that will have a long lasting impact on my life and my fellowship, not only with God (in ALL three persons), but with those around me as well.
Thanks for your transparent and honest word of encouragement.
This is a good, strong word. Thank you.
For me in many areas of my life, but especially in the struggle for my marriage I think it's "I can't win". Although my phrase for that is "It doesn't make any difference how hard I try, or how hard I work or if I do my best or not; the outcome is the same as if I didn't try at all"
Jon, I hear this a lot. Praying for you.
I hear that from lots of guys. You may not be able to but He can!
Right on, Ron. You hit the nail on the head with what men deal with. Becoming immersed in God's Word and Spirit is the answer. Thanks for your writing
Thanks Mike