I was talking with a young man at church today. He’s been married a couple years and is still learning how to understand his wife, and more importantly, how to communicate with her. I think he actually thought I’d figured things out by now. Silly boy! 🙂
His dilemma?
He had an example:
His wife got a new haircut. She wasn’t sure she liked it. She wanted his response. He said, “I like it.” She said, “Do you really?” He said, “Yes, I really do!”
She said, “No you don’t, you’re just saying that.” He replied, “No, I really, really like it. Seriously.”
She asked, “Would you tell me if you didn’t?” He said, “Of course I would.” She said, “No you wouldn’t…you hate it don’t you?”
“No”, he continued, “I really think it’s great. You’ve never looked any better. I think it makes you so much more attractive.”
“So you didn’t like my hair before?”
“I didn’t say that. I just meant I really like it.”
“But you said I’m more attractive now. It makes me think you didn’t like my hair then.”
“I loved your hair then and I love your hair now. You could wear your hair anyway…in fact you could shave your head…and I’d love it.”
“See, you don’t really care.”
Okay, so I don’t know the word for word conversation. I embellished a little…almost like I’ve had a similar conversation. 🙂 Not that I ever have of course…but, almost like I had…almost 🙂
Men, have you ever been in that conversation?
Wives, how should he have responded?
(Please note that I put this post in the “funny” category…)
I've been married over 33 years and I still get myself into these corners… The conversation is usually preceded by my wife asking "Did you notice anything different?" To which I reply "Absolutely… WAIT! Are those racoons in the garbage again! Let me go look!!" and I head outside and take a moment to wrack my brain… (Thanks to Garrison Keillor for the tip)
Thanks for sharing. It's interesting that we don't learn our way out of this difference thing! We just keep practicing!
I think the answer is to hit first. When she comes home, or you do, one of the first things out of your mouth is "Did you get your hair cut today? It looks fantastic and so do you." Then give her a big smile and a kiss and move on. Just let her bask in those compliments. And I do not say to do this as some cheap trick, but to do it with honesty and sincerity and love in your heart as a normal part of your interactions with your wife.
Good take…if you can catch it…I am so non-observant sometimes! Thanks for the reminder.
I have had this conversation many times before, about many different issues. I have come to the realization that after you say you like it, and you better say you like it, it is time for a Twix bar to avoid any further comment, LOL. No, seriously though, I am learning that she is not trying to get you to convince her of how you feel about it, she is really trying to work out how she feels about it. The best we can do is stand our ground and continue to say we like it. One last bit of advice, he messed up when he compared it to past hairstyles. Whenever my wife asks how something looks, i never compare it to how it looked before.
This is GREAT insight. She's trying to work through in her own mind. I really did intend this as a funny post, but comments like yours also make it helpful!
You make me laugh Duane. I see this as a Catch 22 Ron. Darned if you do; darned if you don't. Maybe a lose/lose? 🙂 I had to chuckle though at your opening salvo. Learning how to understand AND communicate? Communicate maybe. Understand? how many life times does he have? Thanks for the chuckle this morning. Oh…and Duane…Ron & I offer FREE counseling. LOL
FREE? Ha!
We need more people to tell stories such as this one.
It will help women realize how confusing they are sometimes. 🙂
-DS
Did you just say that? 🙂
I did.
I obviously don't respect my own life.
It's gonna be a long night.