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The Difference in Men and Women

By February 21, 2009Culture, Encouragement, Funny

Men and women are vastly different. Have you figured that out yet?

I have read the following several times over the years from various emails.  This time it came from a fellow pastor in his weekly newsletter.  I don’t know the source of it originally, but I think it’s hilarious, and fairly accurate in most cases. 

Men VS Women

1.  NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2.  EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3.  MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.

4.  BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5.  ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6.  CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

7.  FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8.  SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9.  MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change , and she does.

10.  DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11.  NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12.  OFFSPRING

Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13.  THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

What differences do you notice (other than physical, of course) in men and women?

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Ron Edmondson

Author Ron Edmondson

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Join the discussion 9 Comments

  • shukion123 says:

    I know that this post was written in only the most positive of intentions, but I personally am slightly offended that you are measuring the success of a man by how much he makes and a woman by if she can attract the attentions of a rich man. This feels demeaning to me, as a man married to a loving wife who makes around 70% of our income. Sorry if I'm being too critical.

    • ronedmondson says:

      Sorry you're offended by a several year old post. It does says fairly accurate. If it doesn't apply to you and you don't see the humor — I apologize. 

  • Robyn M says:

    As a woman, I have to stand up for myself and say that I do NOT like cats at all. I don't have 337 items in my bathroom, it's too small for that and I can't stand clutter. However, I put on makeup, did my hair and wore way to much pink to go canoeing only to come in 1st place.

  • To throw my 2c in, I definitely agree on all but #11. I always think my wife, looks the most beautiful right as she’s waking up.

  • Renee Garcia says:

    SO funny!!! I think Frank kicks cats too.. hmmm LOL. I am going to steal this for my blog tomorrow!

  • mindi says:

    I love it. Maybe another day you could tackle travel distinctives.

  • Lukewarm says:

    I’ve seen a couple of these somewhere but always a good laugh. Especially the cat one. I try to kick them whenever possible 🙂