In honor of Bubba Watson winning the Masters golf tournament today, I thought I’d share my favorite Bubba joke.
There once was a guy named Bubba.
Bubba once told his friend “I know everyone in the world. I really do.”
His friend replied respectfully, “Now Bubba. You know a lot of people, but there’s no way you know everybody in the world.”
“Yes I do. Pick anyone.”
“Okay, I bet you don’t know the mayor”
“Sure I do. Go ask him”
“Okay, I will”
So, he went to see the mayor.
“Excuse me mayor, but do you know Bubba?”
“Oh, Bubba, sure I know Bubba. I’ve known Bubba since we were kids”.
So the friend went back to Bubba. “Okay, Bubba, I didn’t think you know the mayor. I guess you do. But, seriously, there’s no way you know everyone in the world.
“But I’m telling you I do. Try me again”
“Okay, I bet you don’t know the governor”
“The governor. Of course I do. Go ask him”
“Okay, I will”
So, he went to see the governor.
“Excuse me governor, but do you know Bubba?”
“Oh, Bubba, sure I know Bubba. Bubba is a great friend of mine”.
Surprised, the friend went back to Bubba. “Okay, Bubba, I didn’t think you know the governor. I guess you do. But, seriously, there’s no way you know everyone in the world.”
“But, I keep telling you I do. Name someone else. Anyone”.
“Okay, I want to try someone away from politics. What about Tom Cruise. I be you don’t know Tom Cruise. You obviously know a lot of people, but there’s no way you know Tom Cruise.”
“Oh, Tommy boy. Sure I know him. Why don’t you ask him?”
“Okay, I will”
So, he was able to go to where Tom Cruise was filming a new movie and made his way to the studio, where he was able to briefly approach him.
“Excuse me Mr. Cruise. I know this is an awkward question, but do you know Bubba?”
“Oh, Bubba, sure I know Bubba. I’ve known Bubba long before I became an actor.”
So the friend went back to Bubba shocked an amazed. “Okay, Bubba, I didn’t think you would know Tom Cruise, but I guess you do. But, seriously, these are just coincidences. There’s no way you know everyone in the world.”
“But I keep telling you I do. Name someone else.”
“Okay, but this one is going to be a stretch. I bet you don’t know the President of the United States.”
“Oh, that’s easy. He’s an old friend. Of course I do. Go ask him”
“Okay, I will”.
Through a series of connections, the friend was able to have a brief encounter with the president.
“Mr. President, I’m so sorry to bother you, but one quick question. Do you know Bubba?”
“Do I know Bubba? Well, is this a trick question? Because that’s too easy. Of course I know Bubba. I’ve known Bubba since long before I got into politics.”
The friend was stunned. He went back to Bubba and said, “I really am surprised. You clearly appear to know just about everyone. You knew the mayor, the governor, Tom Cruise and the president. But, seriously, it’s a big world. There’s no way you could know everyone in the world.”
“Try me”.
“Okay, one more test. If you pass this one I’ll assume you know everyone in the world. I bet you don’t know the Pope.”
“Oh, the Pope. Of course, I do. That’s easy. I knew the Pope before he was confirmed as a Catholic”
“Well, I’ll have to see it for myself. This time you’re going with me.”
So, they went to see the Pope, but when they got to the Vatican, the Pope was scheduled to speak to the crowds of people. Bubba said, “Look, it’s been a while since the Pope has seen me. I don’t want to startle him. Let me go in and say a few words to him and then I’ll introduce you.”
The friend just knew he had him. He knew Bubba would go in, get the Pope to go along with his story and try to make him believe they already knew each other, but, he decided to let him go.
A few minutes later, the Pope came out on the balcony to speak to the crowds. Who would have guessed, but walking closely behind the Pope was none other than Bubba.
And that’s when the friend passed out.
Bubba rushed down to check on his friend. He woke his friend and said, “Are you okay? What happened?”
“Well”, the friend said, “I was okay until everyone around me started saying, ‘Who’s that guy with Bubba?”
My father told me that joke the first time. I had the same reaction you just had.
My father loved to tell this joke every year at Thanksgiving dinner. He was a Great Depression and WWII vet, so this joke goes back a long way. Here’s what I think is the “original” version:
Around the office, everyone was getting tired of Joe Slobovich claiming to know every celebrity. They’d be talking about John Wayne, and he’d say, “Oh, I know the Duke! We’re old friends.” Or President Truman. “Good ol’ Harry,” Joe would say. “The two of us go way back.”
So one day, the boss asked him, “Joe, is there anyone you don’t know?”
“I ain’t braggin’,” Joe said, “but I pretty much know everybody.”
“I suppose that includes Joe DiMaggio,” the boss inquired.
“Of course. Known him since way before all the batting titles.”
Calling his bluff, the boss immediately bought two plane tickets to New York, and took Joe Slobovich with him. When they knocked on the Yankees’ clubhouse door an hour before game time, the boss says to the doorman, “tell DiMaggio his friend Joe Slobovich is here to see him.”
The boss was floored when, a couple of minutes later, DiMaggio appeared and shouted out, “Hey, Slobovich! What’s happening? Great to see you!”
The boss was impressed, but still skeptical. “Okay, so you do know DiMaggio,” he says as they’re leaving. “How about his old flame, Marilyn Monroe?”
“Sure,” says Slobovich. “Knew her when we were growing up, when she was still Norma Jean.”
“No way!” says the boss. He springs for two more airplane tickets, this time to Hollywood.
When they arrive on the 20th Century Fox lot with the public tour, the crowd gets excited as they see Marilyn Monroe strolling across the way. She waves to them, then spots Slobovich and motions him and his boss over. “Joe, what a surprise! I was just on my way to makeup, but come with me to the lunch counter and we’ll catch up. And bring your friend.”
After that, the boss is completely shaken. Now he’s wondering if he’s just going crazy, or if there really is no one his low-level employee doesn’t know. Finally he speaks up. “Slobovich,” he says, “I still doubt you know all the people you claim to know.”
“Well, name someone,” says Slobovich.
“Pope Pius XII,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Joe. “Known the Pope for years, since he was a junior lawyer for the Vatican.”
“That’s preposterous,” blurts out the boss. “Now you’ve completely destroyed your credibility. Pack your bags. We’re going to Rome.”
The following Wednesday, Slobovich and his boss make their way to the Vatican just in time for the morning’s public audience in St. Peter’s Square. Already, 80,000 people are massed into the square, awaiting the Pope’s entrance.
Suddenly, Slobovich bolts from his boss, disappearing into the crowd. “I thought so,” the boss smiles to himself. “Finally bragged a little too much.”
The boss tries to catch Slobovich amid the densely packed humanity, but before he can overtake him, a hush falls over the crowd, signaling the Pope’s arrival.
Straining his eyes from the far back, the boss can barely see over the heads of the thousands of faithful. He can just make out two tiny figures as they step onto the platform under the Papal Canopy.
The boss turns to the Italian man standing next to him, and asks, “Is that the Pope?”
“I’m-a notta sure,” the Italian says, “but thatta guy next to him … that’s-a Joe Slobovich!”
I don't get the joke
When I was in college, I had a friend who told this one (obviously without Tom Cruise). Bubba was Joe Brown, mayor of Buzzard, New Mexico. The ending was a little different. In my friend's version, Joe Brown was on the balcony with the Pope and Brown's friend asked someone next to him, "Do you know who that is?" The bystander answered, "I don't know who the guy in the bathrobe is, but that's Joe Brown standing next to him."
Joe Brown's tagline was "Joe Brown knows everybody and everybody knows Joe Brown!"
Thanks for sharing a lighter moment Ron! Had a relaxed reading in midst of tense environment. Love it.
Awesome!
Twitter: bryankr
says:
I haven’t heard that joke in years! I love it, thanks for reminding me of it!! Hahahaha!
Ha! Use it well today!
Ha Ha Ha…I just laughed out loud…by myself!
I'm a new Bubba Watson fan. I think I like the emotion shown afterwards better than the last putt…well, maybe.
Me too