I write a lot about introversion, because I’m an introvert. I released my book The Mythical Leader in 2017. One of the parts I receive the most positive feedback on is the part I write about introverts.
Introversion is a personality preference, based on the way a person has been shaped by experiences and life.
In very broad terms, it means we are fueled more by our inner thoughts and reflections than a by social engagements and interactions with others. Alone time fuels us. Our idea of “fun” might be reading a book in a room – or field – all by ourselves. (Hence the picture with this post.)
It’s not that we don’t like people. You can read some of my other posts about that. It’s that if we had a preference of how to use our free time, many times we would spend it in quieter or more controllable environments.
Chances are you have lots of introverts on your team, in your church, your workplace, as your customers, even in your family. You’ll even find some people who appear very extroverted to be introverts. (Like many pastors I know. It seems especially in larger churches.)
I will often get requests to write about extroversion, specifically how extroverts can better understand introverts.
This is generalized. No two introverts are the same. Let me repeat that – no two introverts are the same, just like no two extroverts are the same. Just like no two people are the same. We are all uniquely made by our Creator! And, that’s intentional on His part!
But, this is an attempt to help you understand some of the introverts in your world. And, if you want clarification if it applies to them – simply ask. We can express ourselves. And, often quite eloquently.
Here are 7 ways that extroverts can better engage introverts:
Give us advance warning – Don’t put us on the spot for an answer or opinion. We have one, but often need time to formulate our thoughts. If you want our best answer, then you’re best not to demand it immediately from an introvert.
Don’t assume we don’t have an opinion – We do. And, it may even be the best one on the team, but we are less likely to share it surrounded by people who are always quick to have something to say and tend to control the conversation.
Don’t assume we are unfriendly or anti-social – We may not be talking, but that doesn’t mean we do not love people or that we don’t want to communicate with them. The opposite is probably more true. We just prefer to do it in less extroverted ways. Plus, we talk one at a time, so if there’s someone always talking, we may not get a chance – or take the opportunity.
Give us time to form the relationship – Introverts don’t usually form relationships quickly. We may appear harder to get to know, but when we do connect, we are loyal friends with deep, intimate connections. And we can actually be quite fun – even silly at times – once you get to know us.
Allow us time alone – All of us need personal time, but we require even more time alone than an extrovert usually does. We energize during these times – not just relax – and there’s a huge difference.
Don’t expect us to always love or get excited about extroverted activities – The social activities where you get to meet all the cool people you do not know – yea – that’s not always our idea of fun. It may even be a little scary. It might make us nervous at the thought of it. We’ll find excuses not to go, even if we know we need the experience or will have fun once we do them.(Cheryl helps me so much with this one. She stays by my side until I acclimate to the room. And, that’s usually what it takes for the introvert to really enjoy these type settings.)
Allow us to use written communication when available – We often prefer email or text over phone calls. We are usually more engaging when we can write out our thoughts ahead of time.
Are you an introvert? What would you add to my list?