This is a guest post by Dave Milam & Chad Simpkins, Authors of The Ten Count: True Stories of Defeat and Triumph Among Today’s Christian Leaders
Four Ways to Survive Leadership In the Ring
Have you ever noticed leading in ministry can feel like an epic brawl in the middle of the ring? The jabs to the ribs, the punches to the face and even the low blows seem to come fast and furious. Many times you are left bloodied and bruised. Sometimes, you find yourself flat on the mat. Yet somehow, you peel your face off the mat, push yourself back up onto your feet and continue the fight.
Over the past year, we asked pastors to share their most vulnerable moments of leadership with us. We wanted to hear the stories of loss, hurt, disappointment and even inner struggle that clocked them after they entered the ring. We wanted to hear their “Ten Count” moments. As we studied each story, we discovered four survival methods for pastors who found themselves in the midst of a Ten Count.
Go To Your Corner
Every fight has sixty-second breaks in between each three-minute round. During the break you head to your corner. The corner is the place you find encouragement, receive feedback on the last round, hear instructions for the round to come, drink a little water, get any wounds attended to, and catch your breath before the next round begins. When you’re a fighter giving it your all in the ring, the corner is a place of reflection, rest and restoration.
The experiences shared with us tell a frightening story: pastors rarely take breaks to recover from the fight. The punches are coming at a dizzying pace and they feel every single one. The bell rings to end the round but many times they never head back to the corner – they keep fighting. When is the last time you went to your corner for reflection, rest and restoration in the midst of the fight?
To fight the battle God set in front of you, breaks need to be more frequent…and longer. It is counterintuitive. When the fight is hard, most good leaders want to dig in and fight harder. This strategy backfires and tends to lead to MORE bruises and deeper cuts that last a long time, some you never heal from.
We found pastors who lived out going to their corner put it on their calendar. On average they spend one hour a week, one day a month, one week each year in their corner. They reflect, rest and restore every aspect of their bodies and souls. Nobody can fight forever. At some point, you’ll need to go to your corner.
Recruit Your Cornerman
When you head to your corner, you need a good cornerman. We discovered often great leaders are poor at self-assessment. Many believe they can keep fighting – to the detriment of themselves and others. The truth is, self-assessment isn’t always accurate. Every fighter (pastor/leader) needs a good cornerman; someone to give continual encouragement, feedback and advice, before, during and after the fight. They give guidance, wisdom, and a proper perspective, even when not asked. Pastors need a cornerman who values the longevity of their ministry impact over the momentary fight.
In our research, your cornerman should be someone outside the ring looking in. It might be a paid coach. It may be a fellow pastor. We’ve discovered it is best that your spouse or a leader in your church NOT be your cornerman. Invite someone into your corner – outside your day-to-day world – you trust who is looking out for every aspect of your life.
Engage Your Fan Club
Let’s get this out of the way: the number of likes you get on Facebook after you post a pithy quote from a sermon doesn’t count as a fan club. When you are in the fight, you need someone in the crowd cheering. Do you lift more weights when you are alone or when someone is screaming at you to do one more? You do your best work when you feel others are cheering you on.
The problem is most leaders feel alone. When you’re getting beat to a pulp – and alone – you find yourself down on the mat a lot! Who is in your fan club? Who is holding up the signs that say ‘We Love You!’, ‘Keep Fighting!’, ‘Don’t Give Up!’? Who is sending you encouraging notes, telling you they are praying for you, asking to watch your kids so you and your spouse can get away for a night or two? Engage your fan club and let them cheer for you.
One Last Lesson
There was one constant in every story from the collection in this book – God. Each ‘fighter’ said they would not have made it in the ring without God’s presence. Doubt arose, faith tested, families hurt, struggles ensued, but God always showed up during their Ten Count moments. It was like God stood in the ring with them.
When you face Ten Count moments in ministry or life, don’t be fearful. Jump in the ring. Fight. Rest. Fight some more. Rest some more. Peel your face off the mat. Get up. All the while knowing God is right beside you.
